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Topic 3- task 2- camb 9

When it comes to community health, some people think that building more sports facilities can get public heath better, while the others believe that there are a lot of effective ways are neede as sports facilities would have a minimum impact on their health. In my opinion, I'm in favour of latter view because of several reasons below

It can be dined that if the number of sport facilities are increased can bring some benefit for poblic health. Nowaday, the sport facilitied are too expensive with an individual with low income. Thus, the provided sport facilities will give them a chace to keep fit ang improve their health without speanding a lot of money.

On the other hand, the sport facilities not surely can bring many effect. First of all, today, people fous solely on very limited time to do exercise. Thus, Increasing sport facilities can bring a little or no impact on their health. Beside, there are a lot of problems which effect on public health, for instance: poluted enviroment, life style,... so spending money on improving enviroment, life style can bring more impact on public health.

In conclusion, public sport facilities can encourge public health, however, because of reasons above, I strong believe that there are many good measures that can bring a lot of benefits than increasing the number of public sport facilities
Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi 18 Tháng 11 trong Discussion bởi Vannguyen123 (8 điểm)
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Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

2 góp ý

+1 phiếu

Mình góp ý nhé.

1. Về cấu trúc câu: Bạn biết cách sử dụng các từ nối, cấu trúc câu phức tạp.

2. Về chính tả: Bạn mắc rất nhiều lỗi như:

- 'public heath better' -> public heathy better

- 'are neede' --> are needed

- 'It can be dined that ...'  -> It can be denied that if

- 'poblic health' -> public health

- 'Nowaday, the sport facilitied are too expensive with an individual with low income.' 

->Nowadays, the sports facilities are too expensive for an individual with low income.

- 'Beside, there are a lot of problems which effect on public health, for instance: poluted enviroment, life style,... so spending money on improving enviroment, life style can bring more impact on public health.'

-> Besides, there are a lot of problems which effect on public health, for instance: polluted environment, lifestyle,... so spending money on improving the environment, lifestyle can bring more impact on public health.  (Câu này quá dài, bạn nên tách thành hai câu)

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý 18 Tháng 11 bởi ducanhnguyen (17 điểm)
Thanks for your comment.:)
0 phiếu

When it comes to community health, some people think that building more sports facilities can get public healthy better, while the others believe that there are a lot of effective ways are needed as sports facilities would have a minimum impact on their health. In my opinion, I am in favour of latter view because of several reasons below

It can be denied that if the number of sport facilities are increased can bring some merits for public health. Nowadays, the sport facilities are too expensive with an individual with low income. Thus, the provided sport facilities will give them a chance to keep fit and improve their health without spending a lot of money.

On the other hand, the sport facilities not surely can bring many effects. First of all, today, people focus solely on very limited time to do exercise. Thus, increasing sport facilities are able to bring a little or no impact on their health. Besides, there are a lot of problems which effect on public health, for instance: poluted enviroment, life style,etc. So spending money on improving enviroment, life style can bring more impact on public health.

In conclusion, public sport facilities can encourge public health. However, based on some reasons that I have mentioned, I strongly believe that there are many good measures that can bring several advantages than increasing the number of public sport facilities.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý 3 ngày cách đây bởi dung2382002 (7 điểm)

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Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)
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