IELTS TASK 1 Cảm thấy còn yếu kém mong các bạn nhận xét để mình tiến bộ

Question

The graph shows figures for people who travel to work daily in the Uk by three different types of transportation from 1970 to 2030.

It is clear that consuming car in UK is by far the most popular throughout the period shown. Besides, the numbers of people using the car and train rise gradually while the number of bus passengers reduces steadily.

In 1970, the number of UK workers travelling by car was the highest, with around 5 million people, while figures for bus aand train users were about 4 million and 2 million, respectively. In the year 2000, there was a enormously increase of 2 million drivers, and numbers reached 7 million. Likewise, the number of commuting rail passengers steadily rose by 3 million. However, there was a small drop of approximately 0.5 million in the number of bus users.

By 2030, the number of commuters using car is expected to reach a peak of 9 million, and the number of train travellers is also predicted to rise to nearly 5 million. On the other hand, buse consumers are perdicted to reduce slightly by 3 million 

Answer 1

Chào bạn, mình thấy bài của bạn bị lặp "the number of" nhiều quá một bài có tận 6 cái "the number of" có câu lặp lại đến hai lần. Giám khảo muốn thấy được sự linh hoạt uyển chuyển trong cách dùng từ của bạn phần này chiếm đến 25% tổng số điểm của bạn ( lexical resource : vocabulary ). Mình nghĩ bạn nên tham khảo cách chấm bài ielts writing để nắm bắt được giám khảo cần gì ở bạn và làm đúng theo để có thể đạt band score cao bạn tham khảo ở đây nhé: http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-writing-task-1-band-scores/

a enormously increase không dùng thế này bạn nhé sửa thành " an enormous increase " 

theo mình thấy bạn nên đưa ra nhiều comparison hơn và viết câu dài hơn academic hơn ví dụ như car chẳng hạn:  the number of commuters who travels by car is expected to climb dramatically from just 5 millon to a peak of 9 million between 1970 and 2030, a rise of 4 millon over a period of 30 years.

Answer 2

 

Answer 3

Mình soi được mội vài lỗi chính tả:

 

The graph shows figures for people who travel to work daily in the Uk by three different types of transportation from 1970 to 2030.

 

It is clear that consuming car in the UK is by far the most popular throughout the period shown. Besides, the numbers of people using the car and train rise gradually while the number of bus passengers reduces steadily.

 

In 1970, the number of UK workers traveling travelling by car was the highest, with around 5 million people, while figures for bus aand train users were about 4 million and 2 million, respectively. In the year 2000, there was an enormously increase of 2 million drivers, and numbers reached 7 million. Likewise, the number of commuting rail passengers steadily rose by 3 million. However, there was a small drop of approximately 0.5 million in the number of bus users.

 

 

By 2030, the number of commuters using car is expected to reach a peak of 9 million, and the number of train travelers travellers is also predicted to rise to nearly 5 million. On the other hand, buse consumers are predicted perdicted to reduce slightly by 3 million 

Answer 4

1. You wrote: ...gers reduces steadily.

    

   In 1970, the number of UK workers travelling by car was the highe...
   
   Feedback: It seems that you are referring to "the number" that belong to "UK." Indicate possession with an apostrophe + s. Revise: Revise: ''UK's number''.   

2. You wrote: ...und 5 million people, while figures for bus aand train users were about 4 million a...
   
   Feedback: You have used a bare infinitive (bus) after 'for'. Use a present participle or use 'to': ''for busing', 'for bussing'' or ''to bus''. 
    
3. You wrote: ...und 5 million people, while figures for bus aand train users were about 4 million a...
   
   Feedback: The article is missing before the noun: ''a bus', 'the bus''. 
    
4. You wrote: ...spectively. In the year 2000, there was a enormously increase of 2 million driver...
   
   Feedback: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'