[WRITING TASK 1] The table below shows the weight of people

Question

The table below shows the weight of people in a particular country from 1999 to 2009.

The table illustrates the percentage of three distinct human body shapes in weight measurement by separated genders in a specific nation between 1999 and 2009.

Overall, throughout the period, the rate of fit resident not affected by gender presented a large proportion in contrast to the rate of obese and thin groups. Apparently, for women, the percentage of underweight section was more than the overweight section, but for men it was opposite.

Over the years, it was approximately stable for the rate of thin and corpulent groups of each gender. Specifically, it was nearly 30 percent of thin female and 20 percent of corpulent female from 1999 to 2009. On the contrary, for male, it was around 20 percent of thin people and the rate of overweight group decreased gradually from 30 to 19 percent.

In 1999, the disparity between the rate of fit women and men was evident at 49 percent and 41 percent but in the following years, the rates were almost identical, especially in 2009, both women and men stayed in shape account for 47 percent.  

 

Answer 1

The table illustrates the percentage[WU1]  of three distinct human body shapes in weight measurement [WU2] by separated genders in a specific nation between 1999 and 2009.

Overall, throughout the period, the rate of fit resident not affected by gender [WU3] presented a large proportion in contrast to the rate [WU4] of obese and thin[WU5]  groups. Apparently, for women, the percentage of underweight section was more than the overweight section, but for men it was opposite[WU6] .

Over the years, it was approximately stable for the rate of thin and corpulent [WU7] groups of each gender. Specifically, it[WU8]  was nearly 30 percent of thin female [WU9] and 20 percent of corpulent female [WU10] from 1999 to 2009. On the contrary, for male[WU11] , it[WU12]  was around 20 percent of thin[WU13]  people and the rate of overweight group decreased gradually from 30 to 19 percent.

In 1999, the disparity between the rate of fit women and men was evident at 49 percent and 41 percent [WU14] but in the following years, the rates were almost identical, especially in 2009, both women and men stayed in shape account[WU15]  for 47 percent. 

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 [WU1]percentageS

 [WU2]Wrong word choice à “…three distinct types of weight measurement/ physical fitness levels”

“ [WU3]residentS of both/ regardless of genders”

 [WU4]Try not to repeat words in writing à “contrast to that of…”

 [WU5]Wrong word choice à “under weight”

 [WU6]Or you can say “while the opposite was true for men”

 [WU7]This may not be 100% the synonyms of underweight and overweight, because thin and corpulent are used to describe the shape of the body while the graph is measured in weight à It is ok to keep the same word from the graph (under/ overweight), you don’t always need to change it

 [WU8]“there was…”

 [WU9]“Underweight femaleS” (female and male without s is an adjective)

 [WU10]“overweight women”

 [WU11]maleS

 [WU12]there

 [WU13]underweight

 [WU14]49 percent and 41 percent, respectively

 [WU15]accountED

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CRITERIA	GRADE	COMMENT
Task Achievement	6	• addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others • presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive • presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
Coherence and Cohesion	6	• arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression • uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical • may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately • uses paragraphing, but not always logically
Lexical Resource	6	• uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task • attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy • makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
Grammatical Range and Accuracy	6	• uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms • makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication
Overall	6.0