IELTS TASK 1

Question

The pie diagram beneath illustration the fundamental motivation wwhy rural land get to be less profitable and the table desmastation how these cause influenced three districs of the world during the 1990s.

It is clear that the majority percentage cause of motivational land destruction was which thre were too many animals eating plants, espically eating grass. It was 35 percent, which made more hazardous for the environment. including the soils.The desforest was one of several cause of gobal land destruction, at 30 percent. Agriculture was one of the reasons due to most od cultivation lands was transferred from the forest lands and which accounted slightly 28 percent of the total. Finally, just 7 percent from some different grounds.

It can be observed that in the table cause of land degradation by domain. Europe was the area where the highest percentage of land were destroyed, about under 25 percent, next was Australia and New Zealand wwith nearly 15  percent, finally just 5 percent wwa North American. In detail, the main reason of soil destrucstion in Europe was deforestation with 9.8 percent, 7.7 percent was the area of land that was affected by human farming activities and the livestock accounted for about 6 percent( exaclly 5.5 percent).  Oceania was the only region where had 0 percent of over-cultivation, the proportion of deforestation was mcuh lover than Europe, at 1.7 percent. However, the percentage of over-grazing was the highest with roughly more than 11 percent. Finally, just 0.2 percent of deforestation, 3.3 percent of the land was affected by crop and 1.5 percent of livestock that made North American, where had the least impacted to the soil.

In conclution, the livestock was the important reason of worldwide soil destruction and Europe was also the region where had the highest influnce to the land degraded.

Answer 1

The pie diagram beneath=> provided/given illustration => illustrates/gives information on/... the fundamental motivation why rural land get to be => appear to be less profitable and the table desmastation( you mean demonstrate?) how these cause influenced => influences three districs( vocab error) of the world during the 1990s.

It is clear that the majority percentage cause of motivational land destruction was which there were too many animals eating plants, espically eating grass. It was 35 percent, which made it more hazardous for the environment. including the soils.The desforest => deforestation was one of several cause => causes of gobal land destruction, at 30 percent. Agriculture was one of the reasons due to( due to dùng để chỉ nguyên nhân cho việc gì đó, đi sau là danh từ nên dùng trong câu này không phù hợp, nên thay bằng why) most od cultivation lands was transferred from the forest lands and which accounted slightly 28 percent of the total. Finally, just 7 percent from some different grounds.

It can be observed that in the table cause of land degradation by domain ( câu này không có động từ). Europe was the area where( which has) the highest percentage of land were destroyed, about under 25 percent, next was Australia and New Zealand wwith nearly 15  percent, finally just 5 percent wwa North American. In detail, the main reason for soil destrucstion in Europe was deforestation with 9.8 percent, 7.7 percent was the area of land that was affected by human farming activities and the livestock accounted for about 6 percent( exaclly 5.5 percent).  Oceania was the only region where => which had 0 percent of over-cultivation, the proportion of deforestation was mcuh lover than Europe, at 1.7 percent. However, the percentage of over-grazing was the highest with roughly more than 11 percent. Finally, just 0.2 percent of deforestation, 3.3 percent of the land was affected by crop and 1.5 percent of livestock that made North American, where had the least impacted to the soil.

In conclution, the livestock was the important reason of worldwide soil destruction and Europe was also the region where had the highest influnce to the land degraded.

Bài của bạn có khá nhiều lỗi sai cơ bản và khá dài so với 1 bài task 1. Vì bạn chỉ có 20' cho phần này nên cố gắng tập viết nhiều cho đủ thời gian mà vẫn đáp ứng được tiêu chí chấm điểm nhé. 

Bạn không nên miêu tả hết các chi tiết trong bài, nên nhớ chỉ pick những thứ thật sự đáng so sánh nhất rồi nói sơ qua vài cái khác cũng được. 

Bạn nên tập luyện viết và trau dồi từ vựng nhiều hơn nhé. Chúc bạn học tốt!

Answer 2

Source: https://s3-ap-southeast-1.amazonaws.com/ielts.forums/1566641456-Writing-Task-1_-land-degradation.docx

CRITERIA	GRADE	COMMENT
Task Achivement	5	• addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places • expresses a position but the development is not always clear and there may be no conclusions drawn • presents some main ideas but these are limited and not sufficiently developed; there may be irrelevant detail
Coherence and Cohension	5	• presents information with some organisation but there may be a lack of overall progression • makes inadequate, inaccurate or over-use of cohesive devices • may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution • may not write in paragraphs, or paragraphing may be inadequate
Lexical Resource	5	• uses a limited range of vocabulary, but this is minimally adequate for the task • may make noticeable errors in spelling and/or word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader
Grammatical Range and Accuracy	5	• uses only a limited range of structures • attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences • may make frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty; errors can cause some difficulty for the reader
Overall	5.0	Please refer to comments and each criterion to see what you need to improve. You have great potential, be more careful next time