Edit Writing task 1

Question

The line graph illustrates the rates of birth in China and the USA which had many changes during the period from 1990 to 2009.

Overall, it is evident that both nations had fluctuations. In which, the USA had the lowest point in the 1940s and China reached at the highest point during the 1950s. In the first year, the rate of birth in China stayed at 10 percent after which fluctuated and reached at a higher point ( 15 percent ). Next, this figure was dramatic drop in the rate of birth of China which was 5 percent during the 1940s and achieved a plateau in 1945. Ultimately, there was a sudden go up in the birth rate of China which was 20 percent and it was plunged to around 3 percent in 2000.

Turning to the USA, the birth rate stayed at just over 10 percent at the beginning. Afterwards, it was varied and fell significantly which just under 5 percent in the 1940s. Then, this figure rose to about 15 percent and the rate of birth plummeted to approximately 7 percent at the end of the period.

( if possible , would you mark point me based on ielts scale ? )

Answer 1

The line graph illustrates the rates of birth in China and the USA which had many changes during the period from 1990 to 2009.

Overall, it is evident that both nations had fluctuations. In which, the USA had the lowest point in the 1940s and China reached at the highest point during the 1950s. In the first year, the rate of birth in China stayed at 10 percent after that  it fluctuated lightly and reached at a higher point ( 15 percent ). Next, there was a noticeable decrease in the rate of birth of China about 5 percent during the 1940s and achieved a plateau in 1945. Ultimately, there was a significant increase in the birth rate of China at 20 percent and it was plunged to around 3 percent in 2000.

Turning to the USA, the birth rate stayed at just over 10 percent at the beginning. Afterwards, it was varied and fell significantly, being just under 5 percent in the 1940s. Then, there was a major rise in the rate of the USA about 15 percent and the rate of birth plummeted to approximately 7 percent at the end of the period.

( if possible , would you mark point me based on ielts scale ? )