Writing task 1: Percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited Edinburgh attractions [closed]

Question

 

The line graph illustrates the proportion of visitors to Scotland who visited four different attractions in Edinburgh between 1980 and 2010.

Overall, it can be clearly seen that there was an upward trend in the percentage of tourists to the Castle and Zoo, but the percentage of visitors to the Aquarium and Festival experienced a considerable fall over the period. Another interesting point is that the Festival attracted the most tourists in 1980, but in 2010 the proportion of visitors to Castle was the most popular of four attractions.

As regards the first, Zoo was the most unknown attraction, with just 10% in 1980. After having fluctuated with still 10% in 2000, the figure increased sharply to 20% in 2010. Likewise,there was a significant leap of nearly 25% in the percentage of visitors to the Castle over the period of 15 years from 1980 to 1995.Then, after having dropped dramatically to about 35% in 2000, the figure continued to decrease slightly and finished at over 30%.

By contrast, the trend for the aquarium and festival was different from the castle and zoo. From the graph, the proportion of tourists to the Aquarium considerably rose to 35% in 1985.Then, there was a dramatic plunge to under 10% from 1995 to 2010.Furthermore, the Festival which was the most popular destination with 30% in 1980, experienced a steady decrease to below 20% at the end of period.

 

Please help me <3

 

Answer 1

The line graph illustrates the proportion of visitors to Scotland who visited four different attractions in Edinburgh between 1980 and 2010.

Overall, it can be clearly seen that there (was an upward trend)->were upward trends in the percentage of tourists to the Castle and Zoo, but the percentages of visitors to the Aquarium and Festival experienced (a considerable fall)->considerable falls over the period. Another interesting point is that the Festival attracted the most tourists in 1980, but in 2010 the proportion of visitors to the Castle was the most popular of the four attractions.

As regards the first, Zoo was the most unknown attraction, with just 10% in 1980. After having fluctuated with still 10% in 2000, the figure increased sharply to 20% in 2010. Likewise,there was a significant leap of nearly 25% in the percentage of visitors to the Castle over the 15 years from 1980 to 1995.Then, after having dropped dramatically to about 35% in 2000, the figure continued to decrease slightly and finished at over 30%.

By contrast, the trends of the Aquarium and Festival were different from the castle and zoo. From the graph, the proportion of tourists to the Aquarium considerably rose to 35% in 1985.Then, there was a dramatic plunge to under 10% from 1995 to 2010.Furthermore, the Festival, which was the most popular destination with 30% in 1980, experienced a steady decrease to below 20% at the end of the period.

Comments

Many thanks ạ. Cho e hỏi bài này theo a/c thì được mấy chấm nhỉ? 

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Hi bạn, thực ra mình cũng chỉ là học viên thôi, chấm bài cho bạn cũng là mình sửa dựa trên kinh nghiệm viết bài của mình nên mình chỉ có thể chữa được cho bạn còn đánh giá bạn bao nhiêu chấm thì mình chưa đủ khả năng bạn nha ^^Anyway, mình thấy bài của bạn tương đối hoàn chỉnh, chỉ mắc một vài lỗi nhỏ về ngữ pháp nên theo mình thì 6.0+ là hoàn toàn có thể ấy. Cảm ơn bạn vì đã phản hồi ạ^^