In some countries, many more people choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? [closed]

Question

In recent years, there is a growing tendency for people to live alone. This phenomenon originated from western countries has become more popular in many countries around the world. From my point of view, I think being single have many positive things for individuals.

Firstly of all, going solo gives people the priciest gift- freedom. People can make their own decisions from trivial things such as how they will decorate their flat, make daily routine, what they eat….. Living with others, people can learn how to get along well with others. In one hand, it is a really beneficial skill for each one to survive in the society, but on the other hand, it prevents us from living enjoyable life-

Second, living alone make people become more independent.  They have to live nearly without supports from family and friends. They have to do all household chores: cook meals, clean the house, fix things, pay bills, and manage budgets. They become more responsible for their life. What’s more, experience in dealing with difficulties alone will help enhance the sense of confidence and personal pride.

Third, people often get bored with monotone daily routine. Living alone helps them get out of the comfort zone, look into themselves and explore new exciting things. There is no interesting than making a list of things that you really want to do in life and put it in practice: travel to another country, take up a sport, pursuing your passion….

In conclusion, because of those positive effects, living alone is an inevitable trend of modern life when people are more awareness of truly happiness and self-love.

Answer 1

I have some comments:

This phenomenon originated from western countries has become more popular in many countries around the world. ( mình nghĩ là câu so sánh thì cần có " than before" ở cuối câu)

Đoạn body 1: mình thấy lỗi organize và ý của bài ko thống nhất

 I think being single have many positive things for individuals ( being single has)

People can make their own decisions from ( make a decision on st)

how they will decorate their flat, make daily routine, what they eat… ( trong ielts writing ko có dấu ... ở cuối câu, và các ví dụ bạn đưa ra phải giống nhau về ngữ pháp và cụm)

Living with others, people can learn how to get along well with others ( câu này làm mất tính thống nhất trong đoạn body 1 của bạn, bên cạnh đó get là một từ ko formal ko nên sử dụng trong ielts writing: people can learn how to live together in perfect harmony)

In one hand, it is a really beneficial skill for each one to survive in the society, but on the other hand, it prevents us from living enjoyable life ( in one hand nên sửa thành on the one hand, mình nghĩ nên thay on the one hand và but on the other hand thành however, nên thay it bằng this, ....)

đoạn 2: Second,  ( secondly) living alone make  (makes) people become more independent.  They have to live nearly without supports from family and friends. ( for example) They have to do all household chores: ( ko có dấu : trong ielts writing nên sửa thành such as cooking meals, washing and cleanning their house) cook meals, clean the house, fix things, pay bills, and manage budgets. ( thiếu thừ nối hence, therefore) They become more responsible for their life. What’s more, experience in dealing with difficulties alone will help (them)  enhance the sense of confidence and personal pride ( boster their confidence)

body 3: Third (finally)  people often get bored with ( informal feel bored with):  monotone daily routine ( monotonous routine). Living alone helps them get out of (informal: escape from) the comfort zone, look into themselves and explore new exciting things ( Không nên phẩy 3 động từ liên tiếp ntn). There is no interesting than making a list of things that you really want to do in life and put it in practice: travel to another country, take up a sport, pursuing your passion….( lỗi như đoạn 2, không nên dùng you trong văn viết writing)

Comments

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Answer 2