ip.chuawriting
Post bài mới

Website Chuawritingmienphi là forum chữa bài miễn phí, được chữa từ chính cộng đồng học IELTS, các bạn hãy cũng nhau chia sẻ kinh nghiệm viết bài, cùng nhau chữa bài, góp ý, chung tay vì một cộng đồng học IELTS phát triển hơn nữa nhé.
Luật của Forum: Thành viên với mỗi góp ý bất kỳ tại forum sẽ nhận được số bài chữa tương ứng từ https://ieltsplanet.info/ khi thành viên đó có một bài viết mới tại forum, bài viết được chấm dựa trên format của British Council - sửa bài bởi các bạn có band Writing 7.5+

Các bạn xem bài chữa mẫu tại "http://bit.ly/baichuaW-demo"
Đối với các bài chữa thiếu nghiêm túc sẽ được kiểm duyệt và BAN tài khoản của học viên đó.

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm point nhé :)

2.8k Bài viết

3.9k Góp ý

2.3k bình luận

93.1k thành viên

The table below shows the proportion of different categories of families living in poverty in Australia in 1999.

The given table illustrates the percentage of six Australian family types living in poverty in 1999.

Looking at the table, it is obvious that while the percentage of aged couples living in poverty was the lowest, sole parents registered the highest one.

It can be seen that the percentage of poor sole parents in 1999 was quite high, which was 21% (232,000). In contrast, the  percentage of aged couples of poverty was just 4%, marking the gap of 17% between these two family types. Poor households in Australia in 1999 made up over 10%, quite similar to couples with children whose figure for was closest to the figure of all households.

Single people without children ranked second in the top poorest households in Australia (19%), whereas the percentage of aged individuals living in poverty was 6%. Besides, there was a small disparity of 5% between the proportion of couples with no children and  couples with kids being classed as poor, which were 7% (211,000) and 12% (922,000), respectively.

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã hỏi trong Trend (Line) bởi (8 điểm)
share bài về Wall để xem lại ===>

Xin vui lòng đăng nhập hoặc đăng ký để góp ý bài viết này.

1 góp ý

0 phiếu

Source: https://s3-ap-southeast-1.amazonaws.com/ielts.forums/1569404415-HELPMEPLEASE-IELTS-WRITING-TASK-1-TABLE.docx

The given table illustrates the percentage of six Australian family types living in poverty in 1999.[1]

Looking at the table, it is obvious that while the percentage of aged couples living in poverty was the lowest, sole parents registered the highest one.

It can be seen that the percentage of poor sole parents in 1999 was quite high, which was 21% (232,000). [DN2] In contrast, the  percentage of aged couples of poverty was just 4%, marking the gap of 17% between these two family types. Poor households families in Australia in 1999 made up over 10%, quite similar to couples with children whose figure for was closest to the figure of all households.[3]

Single people without children ranked second in the top poorest households in Australia (19%), whereas the percentage of aged individuals living in poverty was 6%. Besides, there was a small disparity of 5% between the proportion of couples with no children and  couples with kids being classed as poor, which were 7% (211,000) and 12% (922,000), respectively.


 [DN1]The given table compares the rate of poverty among six types of household in Australia in 1999.

 [DN2]Suggestion: It’s not necessary to mention both the percentage and the number for this type of essay

 [DN3]Suggestion: Figure cho all household nên được nhắc tới ở một câu riêng vì đó là thông tin tổng quát quan trọng (trên đề bài cũng được tô đậm)


CRITERIA

GRADE

COMMENT

 Task Achievement

7

  • covers the requirements of the task
  • presents a clear overview of main trends, differences or stages
  • clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points but could be more fully extended

Coherence and Cohesion

7

  • logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout
  • uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
     

Lexical Resource

6

  • uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
  • attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
  • makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6

  • uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
  • makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication

Overall

6.5

Good paraphrasing but there are significant grammar mistake


 

 

 

Theo bạn, bài viết này được bao nhiêu "chấm" ?
đã góp ý bởi (222 điểm)

Update: Từ 30/4 Điểm bạn tích lũy được trên CWMP sẽ dùng để đổi quà (vé xem CGV (100 điểm/1 vé, thẻ cào điện thoại 150 điểm/thẻ 50k, khóa học IELTS Online (300 điểm/khóa 3 tháng)
Đăng ký quy đổi điểm tại: Form đổi điểm lấy quà"

Bắt đầu nhận xét ở mục "Bài chưa có góp ý" để bắt đầu kiếm Điểm nhé :)
...