chữa lỗi giùm e nhé !!!!! IN SOME COUNTRIES, GOVERNMENTS ARE ENCOURAGING INDUSTRIES AND BUSINESSES TO MOVE TO REGIONAL AREAS OUTSIDE THE BIG CITIES. DO THE ADVANTAGES OVERWEIGH THE DRAWBACKS?" [closed]

Question

Thesedays, with the dramatic increase in population globally, a challenge faced by many megacities is insufficient land space. Gorvernments have been providing incentives for people to relocate to regional areas. I am convinced that the advantages outstrip the disadvantages.

There are several benefits why plants, factories anf enterprises on the outskirts of megacities. Firstly, industial plants always produce emissions, which do harm to individuals physical health. It is true that air and noise polution are the serious problems. The noise from several constructions sites lead to sleep depriration so industies and businesses moving in suburban areas help reduce direct adverse effects on city dwellers. Secondly, moving business facilities to regional help to contribute to the local’s economic development. This policy can be explained by the increasing demand for local labor will create more job for inhabitants here. As a result, inhabitants quality of life may improve better bacause they have a stable salary to cover life.

On the other hand, admittedly, moving industries and business in the suburbs is problematic up to a point. To begin with, not all the staff are willing to leave their family to resettle in rural areas. Besides, local staff are often lack experience so companies are difficult find out a labor force who having skilled. Furthermore, when companies move on the outskirts which lead to spend a good amount of money to setup these means even before starting the business. As a result, they will increase in transport costs which will reduce revenue and especially the promotin of products will be a burden.

In conclusion, it seems to me that we gain more than we loss form this policy of Governments.

 

Answer 1

- Thesedays, with the dramatic increase in population globally, a challenge faced by many megacities is insufficient land space. Gorvernments have been providing incentives for people to relocate to regional areas. => Mình nghĩ nên thêm từ nối giữa hai câu, ví dụ "Therefore". Và mình nghĩ bạn viết như vậy dễ gây hiểu lầm là "cư dân quá đông nên thiếu đất nên nhà nước khuyến khích chuyển tới chỗ khác sông", trong khi đề là về các khu công nghiệp, các doanh nghiệp. Với mình nghĩ có thể viết ngắn gọn hơn là "Thesedays, insufficient land space is one of the challenges in megacities, which leads governments to encourage manufacturers and bussinessmen to build their workplaces in regional areas rather than in big cities."

- There are several benefits why plants, factories anf enterprises on the outskirts of megacities.=> Hình như câu này thiếu V ??? + lỗi typo

- Firstly, industial plants always produce emissions, which do harm to individuals physical health(=> individuals' physical health). It is true that air and noise polution (=>pollution) are the serious problems. The noise (Noises) from several constructions sites lead to sleep depriration (...sites are the cause of sleep depriration), (trước "so" phải có dấu phẩy) so industies and businesses moving in suburban areas (can) help reduce (direct) adverse effects on city dwellers. Secondly, moving business facilities to regional (thiếu N) helps to contribute to the local’s economic development. This policy can be explained by the increasing demand for local labors, which will create more jobs for inhabitants here( Câu này hơi rối, có thể sửa thành "This policy can be explained by the increasing job opportunities for local inhabitants. As a result, inhabitants quality of life (=> the life standard of those residents) may be improved better bacause they have a stable salary to cover life (=> thanks to their stable incomes).

- Mình đoán phần 2 bạn đang viết theo kiểu balance? mình nghĩ nếu bạn đã viết lợi outweigh hại thì bạn phải viết cả hai phần support cho ý này chứ nhỉ? hoặc bạn nên sửa phần mở bài cho rõ ràng hơn để thể hiện là bạn có 2 ý kiến. Thật ra mình cũng k rành lắm nên bạn thử tìm hiểu lại xem nhé.

- chú các lỗi ngữ pháp ạ. Bạn sai kha khá lỗi cơ bản ạ.