In a modern society as today, the pressure of going to school with a good degree and afterwards having an ideal job has created many stressful matters to students. Therefore, some people not only tend to learn well academic subjects without caring about non-academic ones but also suggest removing them from the syllabus. However, it seems to me that I have a low opinion of their views. Up to my thinking, those simple subjects are better choices to complete students personality for three reasons.
In the first place, non-academic subjects play an important role in making our body healthier. As it is known, physical education is not a favorite subject of some girls which includes exercise, sports, such as volleyball, soccer and basketball(Không cần dùng dấu ba chấm, nhớ là dùng and ở thành phần liệt kê cuối cùng) . They might not know that these sports will help them improve their immune system, stave off illness as well as decrease their risk of getting cancer, heart disease and moreover, reduce their tiredness after long classes. Having two or three physical education classes each week can help students relax and concentrate better in class.( ko dùng periods vì period nghĩa là “ngày đèn đỏ”, câu của em sẽ là: có 2,3 giai đoạn đèn đỏ mỗi tuần tôi chắc rằng bạn sẽ khỏe J)
A second area to consider is that non- academic subjects give people open mind. For instance, music supports learners a large amount of (ko dùng lots vì informal) invaluable medicine to relax and reduce stress while cookery helps people develop cooking skill, give them much helpful information about nutrition as well. Art is also an interesting subject which inspires students to enjoy themselves life by colors. These are effective ways to relax without fee because these subjects are freely- taught at school. Many people, however, pay a large sum of money for these ideal activities on account of making their lives happier and more enjoyable. All in all, an open mind for a student can always go with non- academic subjects. ( không khẳng định chắc chắn điều gì, nên dùng can, could, may, might)
Finally, It goes without saying that if mathematics, literature, sciences help students gain knowledge (again, ko khẳng định chắc chắn, đừng goes without saying nhé). However, music, art, sports can assist people in getting more and more success in modern society. Today, we all know that any companies or organizations are looking forwards to accepting a recruit who is both good at professional knowledge and unprofessional one such as physical ability and soft skills . In addition, having necessary skills in hand, students can become more confident in community. Thus, it will be easier for them to record extraordinary achievements at work as well as in almost allrelationships. Again, I feel very strong that a student can become a more ideal person by skills which non- academic subjects bring to them.
On the other hands, Opponents give some reasons. They said that the more time students spend on academic subjects, the more chances they can get better degrees when they leave school. As a result, they will have more opportunities to get better jobs with many promotions. We also admitted that there are some people have a good job without these fields. However, these people succeed in their boring spirit, they will soon see that their life is cool. A story told that an excellent student became a madman on the spot after he was graduated from university. The main reason is that he had nothing but studying sciences, he didn’t know what sports is, what art is… As people may see, education with non-academic subjects will be a wrong education which can kill students any time. Mình ko sửa đoạn này nhiều vì thấy bạn đang đi chệch hướng ra khỏi 1 bài acdemic writing. Đoạn body 1 thì rất academic nhưng đoạn này bạn chèn ví dụ ko hợp lý. Trong task 2 này nếu chèn ví dụ thì nên chèn research hoặc ví dụ minh họa đơn giản làm rõ ý thôi, đừng kể 1 câu chuyện.
To sum up, it is a bad idea if people take non-academic subjects off from the scholl syllabus These subjects are so important because they are keys of students ‘health, skills and success. Authorities should take them into consideration more so that they can become helpful as their goals. Imagine there were no music or sports in your class, the days at school would be how tedious.
:D Bạn làm tốt lắm. Nhưng nhớ là phải viết academic vào nhé. Không nên dùng I, we, you, our mà dùng bị động hoặc students, people, they :D. Chúc bạn tiến xa hơn. Chúng mình cùng giúp nhau học và góp ý nhé
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Đây là bài viết của mình. Các bạn cùng nhau góp ý để tiến bộ hơn nhé yeah yeah