Đề IELTS ngày 16/08/2014_ task 2

Question

Many big cities in the world are bursting at the seams because it has been the base, nay, the origin of a variety of industries and businesses. Therefore, governments are advocating their transfer to neighborhood areas. And I associate myself with the idea.

There are plenty of reasons to justify the suggestion. First, there will be a big shift in population, as well as the vehicle in the cities, which is promised to do away with problems that overpopulation bring about, such as drive congestion off the roads, clean the environment, remove pressures on schools and hospitals, and so on. What’s more, the establishment of suburb-based companies will create more jobs for rural residents and lower the unemployment rates. Also, the scheme would do a big favor of quickening the urbanization rate, which means a good deal of educational institutes, medical centers, etc. are being built and raises the standard of life, as a result. Not to mention, these places are currently drawing a lot of attraction from investors.

Yet, this initiative has its drawbacks. Not only do those businesses have to pay a lot of money to move to another place but they might also run up against difficulties to break even with the amount they have lost as it is hard to find a lucrative market outside large towns. Besides, urbanization takes time and call for a large number of participants. But not many are willing to take risks and reconciled to throw away a comfortable, advanced, convenient life in the cities. As for governments, it could be a no easy task to control and supervise the activities of those factories and businesses.

To conclude, I believe this plan has potential to boost the economy of every country despite some disadvantages. And the authorities play a big role in making it happen.

Answer 1

Chào hazelnut,

Tôi tên là Tính, xin được góp ý bài của bạn như sau:

Nhìn chung bài viết khá tốt với bố cục rõ ràng, cách dùng từ và cấu trúc phù hợp với academic writing, đặc biệt là việc áp dụng idioms rất hiệu quả.

Mình chỉ thấy có một vài chổ dùng article (the) chưa hợp lý.

Cảm ơn vì bài viết rất hay của bạn!

 

Tính

Answer 2

chào hazelnut, bài của bạn rất phong phú về idioms. tuy nhiên, mình có một số góp ý như sau:

1. câu topic sentence của body paragraph không rõ ràng.

2. bạn có gắn viết câu phức tạp nhưng ko hiệu quả ví dụ bạn nhìn lại câu này:

"First, there will be a big shift in population, as well as the vehicle in the cities, which is promised to do away with problems that overpopulation bring about, such as drive congestion off the roads, clean the environment, remove pressures on schools and hospitals, and so on."

mình khuyên bạn nên tách ra viết thành câu đơn giản, trước khi làm những câu phức tạp.

3.Xem lại cách đặt dấu câu vì nó cũng ảnh hưởng đến điểm của bạn 

4. bạn rất có gắng áp dụng những idiom nhưng đừng overuse.

5. nên chú ý luôn phần collocation của từ bạn sử dụng 

Chúc bạn thành công