Mình xin cmt trước rồi cho band như sau
Some governments all over the world are currently encouraged to mainly develop their facilities in rural areas instead of urban areas.while-->While I agree that there are benefits of--->>from moving--->removing industries into suburns, I believe that this is more likely to have harmful impacts.
On the one hand, moving factories and companies from big cities to some regional areas is beneficial in some ways. Firstly, there would be an increasing number of job opportunities in these areas. This might lead to a positive impact--------->>result that more people will have job---->jobs, and they can earn more money to support their families. So the unemployment rate in suburns will therefore decreased(bỏ ed) significantly, which is benificial ------->beneficial to the development of the society----->>>>>>>câu này đã dùng so đầu câu vốn k suitable lại có therefore ở giữa------>Thererore the unemployment rate.....will decrease....Secondly, when some industries appear------>>>are situated in these areas(lặp nhiều quá-->parts), they would provide people(local pp) with a great number of goods that could be used to improve their LIVING standard(s) such as refrigerator, television or smartphone.
On the other hand, I would argue that these benefits are outweighted ----->outweighed (k có t )by ( some ) drawbacks.the--->The first reason is that the environment in rural areas would negatively polluted----------->>be negatively polluted by emmisions and trash coming------>thrown away from (the) manufacturing of companies. Some people who are living near industrialized locations would face health deterioration due to polluted water and THE air, so they cannot live there if these businesses do not stop their manufacture. Furthermore, if people want to build factories, they might need more land. As a result, farmers would have less land to plant or raising ------>>raise livestock, and they will become poorer as their main income dramatically decrease------>>>decreases.
In conclusion, it seems to me that (the) potential dangers of industrilization in suburns are significant --->more significant than possible benefits.
IN my opinion,your essay may be scored a band 6.5 with 4 criteria considered,not band 8