Task 1-The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2030. [closed]

Question

 

The graph illustrates the changing trend in different means of transport that people in Uk use to travel every day from 1970 to 2030.

There is an upward trend in number of commuting car and train passengers and a downward trend in that of commuting bus passengers.

Car was the most favorable vehicle in Uk in 1970 with 5 millions of its users  There was a considerable increase of 1 million in the number of people commuting by car from 1970 to 2000, this upward trend continued in the following years and is expected to reach the number of 9 millions people in 2030.

Meanwhile, the number of bus users decreased gradually from around 4 millions in 1970 to 3 million as it’s predicted in 2030.  In 1970, train was the least enjoyed vehicle for daily travelling of people in Uk, however, the country saw a dramatic growth in the number of commuting bus users in following years.  It is interesting to note that in 2015, train outnumbered bus in term of the number of users and is estimated to reach a peak of approximately 5 millions of commuting users in 2030. 

Answer 1

The graph illustrates the changing trend in different means of transport that people in Uk use to travel every day from 1970 to 2030.

There is an upward trend in number of commuting car and train passengers and a downward trend in that of commuting bus passengers. (Có thể sửa thành There is an upward trend in number of passengers commuting car and train and a downward trend in that of commuters travelling by bus)

Car was the most favorable vehicle in Uk in 1970 with 5 millions of its users  There was a considerable increase of 1 million in the number of people commuting by car from 1970 to 2000, this upward trend continued in the following years and is expected to reach the number of 9 millions people in 2030.

Meanwhile, the number of bus users decreased gradually from around 4 millions in 1970 to 3 millions as it is predicted in 2030.  In 1970, train was the least enjoyed vehicle for daily travelling of people in Uk, however, the country saw a dramatic growth in the number of commuting bus users in following years (inconsistent, bạn đang nói về train, however, bạn lại nói về bus => confused).  It is interesting to note that in 2015, train outnumbered bus in terms of the number of users and is estimated to reach a peak of approximately 5 millions of commuting users in 2030. 

Note: Bạn paraphrase tốt, các cấu trúc câu linh hoạt đa dạng, ngữ pháp ổn, dùng từ không trùng lặp. Tuy nhiên mình thấy bạn chưa ổn coherence đoạn 3. Mình thấy bạn chọn mô tả theo từng means of transport, sau đoạn 2 về car, bạn sẽ tập trung đến train và bus, điểm qtrong là năm 2015 bạn có nhắc đến khá tốt. Mình chỉ muốn sửa lại chút như sau:

"During the period from 1970 to 2015, eventhough there was a slight gradual increase in the number of train users, train was the least enjoyed means of transport in UK comparing to bus with the number of commuter under 4 millions. Meanwhile, number of bus travellers kept decreasing from 1970 until 2010, and was less than number of bus users from 2015 onwards. It is expected to dropped at 3 millions by 2030"  

MÌnh nghĩ bạn sẽ được 6.5-7.0 cho bài này, 

Comments

The graph illustrates the changing trend in different means of transport that people in Uk use to travel every day from 1970 to 2030.

There is an upward trend in number of commuting car and train passengers and a downward trend in that of commuting bus passengers. (Có thể sửa thành There is an upward trend in number of passengers commuting car and train and a downward trend in that of commuters travelling by bus)

Car was the most favorable vehicle in Uk in 1970 with 5 millions of its users  There was a considerable increase of 1 million in the number of people commuting by car from 1970 to 2000, this upward trend continued in the following years and is expected to reach the number of 9 millions people in 2030.

Meanwhile, the number of bus users decreased gradually from around 4 millions in 1970 to 3 millions as it is predicted in 2030.  In 1970, train was the least enjoyed vehicle for daily travelling of people in Uk, however, the country saw a dramatic growth in the number of commuting bus users in following years (inconsistent, bạn đang nói về train, however, bạn lại nói về bus => confused).  It is interesting to note that in 2015, train outnumbered bus in terms of the number of users and is estimated to reach a peak of approximately 5 millions of commuting users in 2030. 

Note: Bạn paraphrase tốt, các cấu trúc câu linh hoạt đa dạng, ngữ pháp ổn, dùng từ không trùng lặp. Tuy nhiên mình thấy bạn chưa ổn coherence đoạn 3. Mình thấy bạn chọn mô tả theo từng means of transport, sau đoạn 2 về car, bạn sẽ tập trung đến train và bus, điểm qtrong là năm 2015 bạn có nhắc đến khá tốt. Mình chỉ muốn sửa lại chút như sau:

"During the period from 1970 to 2015, eventhough there was a slight gradual increase in the number of train users, train was the least enjoyed means of transport in UK comparing to bus with the number of commuter under 4 millions. Meanwhile, number of bus travellers kept decreasing from 1970 until 2010, and was less than number of bus users from 2015 onwards. It is expected to dropped at 3 millions by 2030"