IELTS task 2 - The amount of meat

Question

Nowadays most people suggest that, the amount of meat consumed by world population must be decreased due to the fact that its production demands large territories. Furthermore, they also claim that it can be substituted with crop production which requires less space compared to meat. I totally agree with this opinion and think that a range of measures can be taken in order to solve this problem.

First of all, it must be taken into consideration that decreasing meat consumption will also affect our health, to be more precise, it is assumed as one of the most valuable ways to tackle with obesity which is the most common problem in the modern life. Therefore, governments must inform and persuade people about the negative effects of eating meat by TVs, radios etc. For instance, it is an undeniable fact that, advertisements involve a manipulating effect which can significantly affect people’s decisions, hence it is quite a reasonable way to avoid people buying meat.

Moreover, another solution can be by increasing the price of meat and providing shops, supermarkets and so on with fresh food and vegetables. To my mind, it will also be an effective for changing the eating habits of people.

However, we cannot completely deny that some problems can occur during the implementation of such measures. For example, there are a number of people who are used to purchase meat regularly and do not want to accept such changes in their eating habits. Additionally, food does not contain the same ingredients which meat has, so it can result with lack of vitamin D which is very indispensable for human life.

In a nutshell, I think, it is quite difficult to apply such measures to the world due to the fact that people cannot be ready for these changes. However, it is not impossible and I believe that after several years people will prefer food to meat.

Answer 1

Đây là một số góp ý của mình về bài của bạn 

First of all, it must be taken into consideration that decreasing meat consumption  Cutting down the amount of meat (Ở đây bạn bị lặp từ với phần mở bài) will also affect our health in a possitive way. To be more precise, it is assumed as one of the most valuable ways to tackle with obesity which is the most common problem in the modern life. Therefore, governments must inform and persuade people about the negative effects of eating meat by TVs, radios etc. For instance, it is an undeniable fact that, advertisements involve a manipulating effect which can significantly affect people’s decisions, hence it is quite a reasonable an effective way to avoid people buying meat warn people from buying meat. ( Bạn không nên viết câu Topic Sentence của bạn quá dài, bao gồm cả các ý triển khai, bạn nên tách làm 2 câu rõ ràng).

Moreover, another solution can be by is to increase the price of meat and provide shops, supermarkets and so on with more fresh food (?) (thịt cũng được tính là "fresh food", bạn nên liệt kê rõ hơn) vegetables. To my mind, it will also be an effective for changing the eating habits of people. for people to change their habits.

However, we cannot completely deny that some problems can occur during the implementation of such measures. For example, there are a number of people who are used to purchase meat regularly and do not want to accept such changes in their eating habits. Additionally, food does not contain the same ingredients which meat has, so it can result with lack of vitamin D, which is very indispensable for  to human life. (Bạn nên đưa ra các lập luận rồi mới đưa ví dụ)

In a nutshell, I think, it is quite difficult to apply such measures to the world due to the fact that people cannot be are not ready for these changes. However, it is not impossible and I believe that after several years gradually/steadily people will prefer food (Giống như lỗi ở bên trên) to meat.

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