You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.

Question

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The chart illustrates how the figure for visits to two different music webs varies in 15 days. From an overall perspective, there have been increases in both, though the trends are wildly fluctuating.

To be more specific, Pop Parade has been always more popular than Music Choice in the first 12 days. While a modest 40 thousand visits are viewed on Music Choice, a four-time bigger figure is true for Pop Parade on the first day. Pop Parade experiences a significant drop until day 7 whereas Music Choice undergoes a fluctuation up to day 11 when Pop Parade reaches a high point of nearly 140 visits.

It is noticeable that Music Choice becomes more preferred than Pop Parade in days 12 and 13, when its figure reaches the highest points at 120 thousand before ending the year down, at approximately 70 thousand. Meanwhile, though its figure bottoms out in days 12 and 13, Pop Parade recovers to hit its peak at 160 thousand in the final year.

(168 words)

Answer 1

mình có một số góp ý sau.

The chart illustrates how the figure for visits viiews to two different music webs varies in 15 days. From an overall perspective, there have been increases in both (there was trend increase in both over the period), though the trends are were wildly fluctuating.
do đề bài không đề cập dến thời gian nên bạn có thể sử dụng quá khứ đơn cho bài viết để thống nhất thì.
To be more specific, Pop Parade has been always more popular than Music Choice in the first early time 12 days. While a modest khong hiểu article roi lại còn modest làm gì 40 thousand visits  are viewed on Music Choice, a four-time bigger figure is true for Pop Parade on the first day. Pop Parade experiencesed a significant drop until day 7 whereas Music Choice undergoes a fluctuation up to day 11 when Pop Parade reaches a high point of nearly 140 visits.

It is noticeable that Music Choice becomes( sai thì) more preferred higher than Pop Parade in days 12 and 13, when its figure and reaches the highest points at 120 thousand before ending the year down, at approximately 70 thousand. Meanwhile, though it is figure bottoms out in days 12 and 13, Pop Parade recovers to hit it is peak at 160 thousand in the final year.