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Chào mọi người!!!

Mình sắp thi lại ielts nên cần sự giúp đỡ của mọi người nhiều :* trước giờ writing hông có ai sửa hết nên giờ có hội nên mong ngóng được sửa và góp ý, vô vàn biết ơn luôn :**heart

Topic của mình là:

"Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required." Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Mine: 

Public health is one of the most important concern of each goverment. They therefore manage to implement projects that increase public awareness of fitness. One of them is to increase the number of sports facilities in public places such as equipments in parks and calling for public participation. Others, however, states that such activities would have little effect on public health and therefore other practical measures are required. Before any decision to be made, we shall discuss about the advantages and disadvantages of each option to the public health.

It is undoubted that modern sports facilities would be a great benefit for the public especially for those who have not tried before. Apart from health advantages, people would have a close connection to each other especially their neighbourhood when nowadays, there is a lack of interactive relationship among our community. 

Ironic is that people may meet difficulty between their own priority concern and time management. After working-hours, they are rush to their after-work activities such as taking care of children, hanging out at clubs and today such activities like watching TVs or playing games is dominant their spare-time. As a result, they paid little attention to regular exercises.

In additions, personal trainer is reccommended for fitness because they are the ones who acquire knowledge and understand each certain human body's structure. Therefore, they may offer better advices than what we are searching from untrusted sources to improve health. It is, however, seldom found in public fitness centres while cost and expenses paid for them is huge.

So far, it is far from reality that increasing number of sport facilities would help improve public health without any other actions. Such activities like public yoga days or promoting campaigns of these equipments shall be needed to impress the audience or to encourage them paying attention to their health and proper exercises.

I personally think within a scope of that, people will soon enjoy their public training day and invite others to participate."

 

Note:

1. Mình rất sợ lạc đề và hiểu nhầm đề. Rất cảm ơn nếu mọi người chỉ giúp mình được chỗ sai ở đâu.

2. Cảm ơn mọi người thiệt nhiều :)

 

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Minh truoc day chua thi IELTS bao gio, 17/2 se la lan dau tien minh thi, nen minh kho ro lam ve viec cham diem, nhung minh co the cho ban mot so loi khuyen ve viec cai thien bai viet nay.

Bai viet cua ban gom 330 tu- mot bai viet ideal la 250 - 280 tu, va 300 la gan nhu maximum roi. Ban cung make kha nhieu grammatical errors and sentence structure errors, cho nen minh nghi la ban nen viet ngan lai, de co thoi gian kiem tra loi nhung loi tren - toi thieu la 3 phut de check lai ngu phap.

Ve phan noi dung thi ban da tra loi dc cau hoi neu ra cua de bai, nhung loi ve ngu phap, cach dung tu va mau cau co the khien cho nguoi doc ko hieu ro dc noi dung ban viet.

Tu vung cua ban kha limited, minh thay tu public health va concern ban lap di lap lai qua nhieu lan, nen ban co the se ko score dc cao o phan nay.

It is quite easy nowadays to spot the growing public concerns with personal health and fitness, with the bloom of health related services such as public gyms, health consultant clinics and sports shops. While I am aware of the potential benefits that such facilities may offer, I am quite skeptical of their pratical applications.

Undoubtedly,the opening of modern health facilites would be extremely propitious to the public. Sport gyms and health consultant services can not only provide us a venue for various sport activites but can also give professional advice on how to stay healthy. The gyms can also enhance public interactions, foster bondings and improve relationships as they offer a place for the like minds to congregate. For instance, many people form fitness groups online and gather at a local gym to practice together.

However, it is essential to be cognizant of the potential challenges of that such facilities might face as people nowadays struggle to find leisure from their limited time budget. We are often so occupied with work, relationships and family that personal health usually becomes the least of our concerns. Morevover, with the burgeoning number of health firms and the absent of regulations from the government, people are moreskeptical of the quality of the services, as unprofessional sport practices, low qualitiy infrastuctures and bad training regimes can be detrimental to postures, bone and muscle developments.

In conclusion, the solution to public health by providing more sport infrastructures is not the most appropriate. The government may start by improving public awareness by means of education and campaigns.

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Thật sự cảm ơn bạn lehoangsonsg nhé!

Mình thấy bạn sửa lại bài mình với khá nhiều từ vựng mới. Mình sẽ lưu ý cách dùng từ. Thanks bạn nhiều. Chúc bạn thi đạt điểm cao nghen :x

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