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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is increasing the number of sports facilities. Other, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Many people believe that the more sports centers, the healthier people are. However, those suggest that other factors be required in order to improve public health. Therefore, I would like to express my own perspectives towards two sides of this opinion.

On one hand, due to today’s busy lifestyle and stressful working conditions, doing exercise is no longer part of either our work or leisure time, so advocates of this think the increase in the number of local sports facilities would encourage people to do physical activities. Let’s take the survey of ABC company as a strong evidence. According to its human department, the medical check-up results of its employees have been much better than they used to be since it opened a fit center in its building. Additionally, the variety sports in local centers such as swimming, baseball or basketball would attract people of all age. Therefore, it is undeniable that if there were easy ways to reach fit centers, people would be more interested in taking parts in working-out.

On the other hand, some agree that investment in sports centers is too narrow and expensive an approach as other factors like citizen awareness should be considered. As a matter of fact that, many people spend a large amount of money on fitness courses in luxurious, modern and well-equipped centers, and hardly do they finish their courses. Thus, it is no matter how many sports facilities we have, only when do citizens realize the importance role of exercise in their health, they will do it more regularly. Besides, the growth of public transportation is also very essential because of its environmental advantage, which contributes to keep people healthy. Thus, there is no doubt why government should considerably think of other solutions to improve people’s physical health.

In conclusion, there are still other measurements which should be carefully discussed besides the increase in the number of sports facilities.
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"Many people believe that the more sports centers, the healthier people are. However, those suggest that other factors be required in order to improve public health. Therefore, I would like to express my own perspectives towards two sides of this opinion."
- the more sports centers -> cần vị ngữ (the more sports centers are popular, the ... ).
-  .However those -> While opponents
- be required -> should be required
Theo mình thì bạn nên paraphrase bằng nhiều synonym hơn. Câu mà bạn nêu ý kiến nên sửa lại thành (In my view/ opinion, I), ( Personally, I ) cho academic hơn. Bạn thử tham xem bài của mình nha, mình cũng chỉ là ng đang học IELTS thôi nên nếu k hay thì thông cảm nha
"Many people believe that installing a great deal of athletic equipment will boost the community health while opponents support that different methods should be adopted to upgrade the health needs and services of all citizens. In my view, ....."
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Mình cung dang luyen va thieu academic vocab nhieu lam. neu có the thi minh gop y cho nhau nhe. cam on bn nhieu

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