Some children can learn more efficiently by watching TV. Therefore, children watch TV regularly both in school and at home. Do you agree or disagree?
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Some children can learn more efficiently by watching TV. Therefore, children watch TV regularly both in school and at home.

 

Do you agree or disagree?

 

There are currently a variety of valuable programmes on television for the children. The young people are likely to accumulate much more knowledge through watching television. However, this does not mean that the young should view television shows at school and home alike will now be explained.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that a vast number of television channels are thought to be highly meaningful and knowledgeable for the young to study. These sitcoms, ranging from the scientific discovery to the social life, make a remarkable contribution to a treasure of wisdom of a child. By sitting in front of a screen, not only may the children feel ecstatic and excited, but they also have the understanding of rewarding lessons that have not ever been taught at school. For example, my younger brother, a five grade pupil, once told me that the educational shows on the television enhance his enlightenment as well as widen his horizon. This enables him to arouse his curiosity and creativity productively.

Despite the above arguments, I believe that the television should merely be harnessed for relaxing at home rather than at school. If viewing televisual programmes is prevalent in the classrooms, the pupils will easily be distracted as they may conceive the colorful images which they have just seen at break time. This results in misunderstanding their teacher's lectures, and in turn, getting poor grades. Moreover, schools are known as an area with a range of severely strict discipline, but apparently,it's relatively difficult to control every individual students not to cause the distractions.

In conclusion, I do not argue that the young people should observe what the television programmes are shown at school although they include an abundant and precious resource of knowledge.

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There are currently a variety of valuable programmes on television for the children. The young people are likely to accumulate much more knowledge through watching television. However, this does not mean that the young should view television shows at school and home alike will now be explained.

Bạn bị thừa the.

Câu đầu được, dẫn đề tốt. Câu tiếp thì nhảy từ children lên young people chưa đúng. Thứ nữa là đặt ngược vấn đề, đáng lý nên là xem TV tốt cho trẻ => xem nhiều. Rồi đến câu cuối, tuy nhiên nhiều người phản đối, some claim that...

Mà câu cuối này của bạn là phản đối hay ủng hộ? Mình đọc không thấy rõ?

 

In conclusion, I do not argue that the young people should observe what the television programmes are shown at school although they include an abundant and precious resource of knowledge.

Sao cái chỗ mình gạch nghe khó hiểu thế?

In conclusion, it is true that through watching TV regularly, people gain gì gì đó..., but in my opinion...

 

Mở bài và kết luận không tốt, không biết có nên đọc hai đoạn giữa không? Từ của bạn có tham khảo ở các bài mẫu không, từ thì không tệ đâu nhưng hành văn chưa ổn. Có lẽ bạn nên tập trung vào cấu trúc của bài nhiều hơn là từ vựng và ngữ pháp. Một bài từ đơn giản, ngữ pháp bình thường nhưng rõ ràng, mạch lạc thì 6.5 không phải là quá khó. Bài này của bạn mình chỉ chấm 6.0 thôi.

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thank you so much for your help :D
Bỏ phiếu thay vì cảm ơn nha. Thành thói quen đi. :D

Cái này là để check xem tác giả có quay lại đọc bài và cảm tạ người chữa không thôi. Không phải là chữa hay thì mới vote. :D
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2 votes
(theo như mình thấy) bạn có vẻ chưa nêu rõ quan điểm. Thầy mình bảo, khi vừa agrre vừa disagree, bạn nên chọn một phía và khai thác nhiều hơn hơn một chút. Phần mở và kết  bài nên rõ ý hơn, tuy nhiên thân bài (xét trên từng đoạn nhé) bạn viết khá tốt
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thank you :D
you're always welcome :)
3 votes
3 votes

- have the understanding of rewarding lessons => draw/learn valuable/rewarding lessons

a five grade pupil => a fifth grade pupil/schoolboy

enhance his enlightenment as well as widen his horizon => had enhanced... had widened/widened

This enables him to arouse his curiosity and creativity productively => ý này có vẻ từa tựa ý trước, bạn có thể đưa ra một vài cái lợi ích sâu sắc hơn, xuất phát từ ý của câu trước.

the pupils will easily be distracted as they may conceive the colorful images => distracted by the colorful images

not to cause the distractions => không hiểu ý cả câu này lắm, nhưng chắc về ngữ pháp thì nên dùng without causing

observe what the television programmes are shown at school => TV thì chỉ dùng watch thôi bạn nhé, nếu bạn không muốn lắm thì dùng spend time for, focus/concentrate on

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thank you ;D
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0 votes

bài bạn vẫn còn mắc lỗi ngữ pháp, word choice chưa hợp lí, khiến ideas của bạn chưa được truyền tải một cách rõ ràng. 

There are currently a variety of valuable programmes on television for the children. The young people are likely to accumulate much more knowledge through watching television. However, this does not mean that the young should view television shows at school and home alike will now be explained.

=> câu này mắc lỗi ngữ pháp. đâu là chủ ngữ của will now be explained?

On the one hand, it is undeniable that a vast number of television channels are thought to be highly meaningful and knowledgeable for the young to study. These sitcoms, ranging from the scientific discovery to the social life, make a remarkable contribution to a treasure of wisdom of a child. By sitting in front of a screen, not only may the children feel ecstatic and excited, but they also have the understanding of rewarding lessons that have not ever been taught at school. For example, my younger brother, a five grade pupil, once told me that the educational shows on the television enhance his enlightenment as well as widen his horizon. This enables him to arouse his curiosity and creativity productively.

Despite the above arguments, I believe that the television should merely be harnessed for relaxing at home rather than at school. If viewing televisual programmes is prevalent in the classrooms, the pupils will easily be distracted as they may conceive the colorful images which they have just seen at break time. This results in misunderstanding their teacher's lectures, and in turn, getting poor grades. Moreover, schools are known as an area with a range of severely strict discipline, but apparently,it's relatively difficult to control every individual students not to cause the distractions.

In conclusion, I do not argue that the young people should observe what the television programmes are shown at school although they include an abundant and precious resource of knowledge.

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30 points

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