Question

The graph below shows the changing pattern of access to modern technology in homes in the UK from 1994 to 2008. Overall, there was a variety of changes over the period from 1994 to 2008.

In those periods, the CD player was the most preferred on computer devices of people in the UK, it started from 45% in 1994, rose gradually to more than 80% in 2005 and then reached a peak. However, from 2006 to 2008, it has a slight decline, at about 85%. Between 1998 to 2008, Internet connection increased steadily.

In the same period, mobile phone varied more significantly than two others. The mobile phone had begun with nearly 20 % before wildly fluctuated to about 80% in 2003. Since then it has remained more or less stable.

Answer 1

you should pay more attention to some mistakes:

The graph below shows -> The given/provided graph shows (nên tránh từ below, không hay)

The graph below shows the changing pattern of access to modern technology in homes in the UK from 1994 to 2008 -> (paraphrase lại, không nên chép lại đề bài nhé)  The line graph sheds light on the changes in domestic access to modern technology in UK over the period of seven years, starting from 1996.

Overall, there was a variety of changes over the period from 1994 to 2008 -> Overall, there were a variety of changes over the given/provided/surveyed period. (không nên đưa con số vào overview) . Tuy nhiên, overview quá ngắn, chưa thể diễn tả được ý tổng quát của bài W1, cần diễn tả xu hướng (như thế nào, tăng, giảm), sự thay đổi (như thế nào, nhiều hay ít).

-> As can be seen from the provided graph, there was an increase in the figures for all domestic accesses. In addition, CD player became the most popular access in the UK during the surveyed period. 

 

In those periods, the CD player was the most preferred on computer devices of people by people in the UK. it It started from 45% in 1994, rose gradually to more than 80% in 2005 and then reached a peak. However, from 2006 to 2008, it has it had a slight decline,at about 85%. Between 1998 to and 2008, Internet connection increased steadily.

In the same period, mobile phone varied more significantly than two others. The mobile phone had begun began with nearly 20 % before wildly fluctuated to about 80% in 2003 undergoing the wild fluctuation in the figure throughout the rest of the period. Since then it has remained more or less stable.