The proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

Question

The line graph compares the percentages of elderly people in three different countries, namely Japan, Sweden, USA from 1940 to 2040.

Overall, it is obvious that the proportion of people aged 65 or over increases significantly in all 3 countries surveyed. Japan is predicted to experience the most dramatic growth in its elderly population.

The proportion of Americans aged 65 or over was about 9% in 1940, compared to only 7% of Swedes and 5% of Japaneses falling into this age range. While the figures for USA and Sweden both rose gradually in the first 40 years to reach around 15% in 2000, the proportion of elderly people in Japan remained quite low, at roughly 3% between 1960 and 1990, when a recovery to its initial figure took place.

Looking to the future, it is clear that Japan will witness a sharp growth in the percentage of people aged 65 or over, with its figure experienced a growth of a quarter to approximately 27% in 2040. By the same time, the elderly populations of USA and Sweden will have reached the mark of 23% and a quarter in turn.

Answer 1

1/. Bài đăng của bạn nên kèm hình để dễ theo dõi

2/. by the year 2000, the proportion of Japan remained quite low, at roughly 3%: remained nên thành decreased/declined/fell 

3/. approximately 27% in 2040 - a growth of a quarter in just 2 decades sẽ ok hơn là dấu , nha

Comments

Mình sẽ chú ý thêm, cảm ơn lời góp ý của bạn nhé

Answer 2

The line graph compares the percentages of elderly people in three different countries, namely including Japan, Sweden, USA from 1940 to 2040.

1. namely là liệt kê đủ các nước.

2. including là bao gồm (ko cần liệt kê đủ).

Overall, it is obvious readily apparent that the proportion of people aged 65 or over will increase in all 3 countries surveyed. While USA had the largest percentage of old people initially, Japan is predicted to have the largest percentage of elderly population by the end of the period.

1. Bạn bị loạn về thời. Mỗi câu có một thời khác nhau. Cần thống nhất là Hiện Tại Đơn.

2. Nếu bạn cần hướng cụ thể vào Tương Lai thì khi so sánh while cả hai vế đều cần ở thời này.

3. Theo mình nên bỏ vế đầu câu hai. Còn câu sau dùng experience the most significant growth in its...

Answer 3

The proportion rate of Americans/ American citizens aged 65 or over was about 9% in 1940, which was folllowed by Sweden and Japan, at compared to Sweden and Japan with 7% and 5%, respectively. While the figures for USA and Sweden climbed gradually to around 15% by the year 2000 (1), the proportion of Japan (2) remained quite low, at roughly 3% between x and y until the present time, when it recovered to its starting figure.

(1) Bạn cần nói khoảng trước, increased between 2000 and 2005, rồi mới tới năm cuối, to 5 million in 2000.

(2) Cụm the proportion này gắn với cái gì? Và bạn cũng không đề cập Time? Bắt đầu khi nào? 

(3) Mình bổ sung cho (1) một tí là bạn nên dùng both hoặc similar để nhấn mạnh giao điểm của hai dây này.

Answer 4

Looking to the future, it is clear that Japan will witness a sharp growth in the percentage of people aged 65 or over to approximately 27% in 2040 (1), a growth of a quarter in just 2 decades (2). Less American and Swedish will be 65 years old or older, accounting for 23% and a quarter of the population in turn (3).

(1) Bạn nên đặt Subject là the proportion hoặc chuyển sang with its figure reaching...

(2) Nếu trước đó có đề cập from... to... thì ..., a jump of sẽ ăn điểm nhưng chỗ này chưa ổn vì (1).

(3) Cần viết lại câu này. Bạn chỉ cần nói: By 2040, the elderly populations... rồi nêu số liệu.

Comments

Lời góp ý của bạn thật sự rất hữu ích và giúp mình biết thêm nhiều điều mới. Cảm ơn bạn nhiều nhé

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