Bài IELTS task 1 - The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

Question

 The line graph compares the differences in the life expectancy of the inhabitant in The US, Sweden, and Japan over a period of 100 years.

Overall, the figures for people whose age is 65 and over rise constantly in these different countries, however, the increase of Japanese is noticeable.

In 1940, the number of aged in The US was highest at nearly 10%, while Japan, whose percentage of the old population was lowest at 5 %. In Sweden, its citizens was more or less 7%. 90 years later ( 2030), it is said that the quantity of aged - Japanese will overtake The US as the first place on the chart.

From 1940 to 1980, the American and Swedish increased continuously at 15% and 13% respectively. By contrast, Japan's aged hit a low of around 3% and 4% and has a slight growth during the period of 35 years later. The old people in Sweden keeps growing for the rest of the period. During the last ten years, however gradually the aged of the American climb it only goes to the third prize in 2040. In contrast, the amount of Japan's old people rocket over 25% in the same year.

Answer 1

The line graph compares the differences gives information about in the life expectancy (bạn sai đề rồi đấy) of the inhabitant elderly people in of the USA, Sweden, and Japan over a period of 100 years.

Overall, the figures for people whose age is aged 65 and over rise constantly steadily in these different countries over the period shown, however, the increase of Japanese is noticeable. It is also true that...

1. Ý 1 bạn nên nói về the proportion thay vì đi vào figure, number, percentage. Ở đây cơ cấu dân số, tỉ lệ gì đó tăng.

2. Vấn đề với Japan phải là dự đoán (ví dụ Japan is expected to...) cho tương lai vì bài này gồm 2 phần.

In 1940, the number of aged (thiếu) in The US was highest at nearly 10%, while Japan, whose percentage of the old population was lowest at 5 %. In Sweden, its citizens was more or less 7%. 90 years later ( 2030), it is said that the quantity of aged - Japanese will overtake The US as the first place on the chart.

3. Có cách viết đơn giản hơn cho câu 1, 10% of American people were aged 65 or more, compared to x of A and y of B.

4. Mình ko nhìn ra bố cục của bạn khi bạn lồng câu 1 với năm 1940 trong khi câu sau là 2030 rồi lại vòng về 1940 to 1980? Tại sao bạn ko chia làm 4 giai đoạn như sau:

a. Năm 1940

b. 50 năm sau, 60 năm sau

c. by 2020

d. tương lai

From 1940 to 1980, the American and Swedish increased continuously at 15% and 13% respectively. By contrast, Japan's aged (sao bạn hay viết tắt chỗ này nhỉ, ý bạn là số hay người) hit a low of around 3% and 4% (có một thằng Japan thôi sao lại có 2 số liệu) and has a slight growth during the period of 35 years later (câu này quá dài dòng). The proportion of the old people in Sweden rose gradually, reaching z in ... keeps growing for the rest of the period. During the last ten years, however gradually the aged of the American climb it only goes to the third prize in 2040. In contrast, the amount of Japan's old people rocket over 25% in the same year.

Mình tạm dừng ở đây một vài chỗ và ko chữa thêm vì phần xác định đối tượng bạn miêu tả ko ổn và cách chia ý để miêu tả cho 2 đoạn cũng có vấn đề. Cảm giác bạn chưa qua bước phân tích đề.

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