Bài của bạn viết rõ ràng và mạch lạc. Tuy nhiên cần chú ý sắp xếp ý, dùng cấu trúc câu ngắn gọn, và tránh liệt kê dài dòng.
Hello. My name is …. I am grateful for telling you about my dream job, which become a successful entrepreneur and establish my company. To achieve it, I gain more knowledge and experiences, enhance my skills day by day. If I were a boss, I would create an effective and professional workplace, and employ qualified people who can contribute to the company's development. What I appreciate about my dream job is earning good incomes in a short period. After that, I will take a day trip with my family. I understand that it is difficult to accomplish my goal. However, I will try my best to make my dream come true.