My dream job

Question

Hello. My name is …. Today I want to tell you about my dream job. I love business. I dream about becoming a successful businessman. I’m not sure about things what I will sell. But I will have found it soon. To be a businessman, I must study a lot, study finance, study soft skills, study communication, etc. I will be a boss, will be a leader. So I have to have good ideas to help my team grow. I will gather some good people to make a good team. I am a person who decide working environment. It will be active and very professional. The thing I love most about my dream job is It can make a lot of money in a short time. With it, I can enjoy and travel somewhere I want to go with my family. But it is not easy. I need to try more and more to achieve success. 

Answer 1

Bài của bạn viết rõ ràng và mạch lạc. Tuy nhiên cần chú ý sắp xếp ý, dùng cấu trúc câu ngắn gọn, và tránh liệt kê dài dòng.

Bài sửa:
Hello. My name is …. I am grateful for telling you about my dream job, which become a successful entrepreneur and establish my company. To achieve it, I gain more knowledge and experiences, enhance my skills day by day. If I were a boss, I would create an effective and professional workplace, and employ qualified people who can contribute to the company's development. What I appreciate about my dream job is earning good incomes in a short period. After that, I will take a day trip with my family. I understand that it is difficult to accomplish my goal. However, I will try my best to make my dream come true.