The development of technology

Question

Essay topics: People now have freedom to work and live anywhere in the work due to the development of communication technology and transportation.Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Today, thanks to the high-tech contacting and moving facilities advancement, folks are allowed to work as well as live everywhere all over the world freely. Hence, I suppose that the drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits of that development.

On the one hand, it is obvious that the distance between people is made by technology. For example, a person is far away from home can use Skype or Facebook to his family, but he just can return once or twice a year. Moreover, using the internet to maintain the contact causes less love and warmth than meeting face-to-face. In lieu of sending sweet messages and emojis, it is a lot more meaningful when we communicate directly, especially to express our feelings by kissing and hugging each other.

On the other hand, I argue that there are some upside that would be noticeable. one clear strength is that it would help us to travel, work, live and call our family whenever and anywhere we want to, so we can easily discover parts of the world, improve our languages and work in a professional environment. To illustrate, when people are recuited in a company in developed countries such as America, China, England, Japan, it means that they have truly ability required for the jobs. Doubtlessly, those people will benefit from enhancing skills, getting knowledge that they had not learnt in their countries’ schools and having high salary furthermore. Of course, they can keep contact with their relatives through the internet and come back home by convenient means of transport.

With respect to the positive aspects of the trend and living overseas, I believe that they outweigh the negative aspects on account of enrichment of knowledge and skills.

 

Answer 1

Source: https://s3-ap-southeast-1.amazonaws.com/ielts.forums/1569404361-The-development-of-technology.docx

Today, thanks to the high-tech contacting contacting and moving facilities advancement, folks people [DN1] are allowed to work as well as live everywhere all over the world freely. Hence, I suppose that the drawbacks are outweighed by the benefits of that development.[DN2]

On the one hand, it is obvious that the distance between people is made narrowed by technology. For example, a person is far away from home can use Skype or Facebook to keep in touch with his family, but he just can return pay a visit once or twice a year[DN3] . Moreover, using the internet to maintain the contact causes less cannot convey our love and warmth than as meeting face-to-face. In lieu of sending sweet messages and emojis, it is a lot more meaningful when we communicate directly, especially to express our feelings by kissing[DN4]  and hugging each other intimate expression.

On the other hand, I argue that there are some upside that would be noticeable. One clear strength is that it would help us to travel, work, live and call our family whenever and anywhere we want to, so we can easily discover parts of the world, improve our languages and work in a professional environment. To illustrate, when people are recuited in a company in developed countries such as America, China, England, Japan, it means that they have truly [DN5] ability required for the jobs. Doubtlessly, those people will benefit from enhancing skills, getting knowledge that they had not learnt in their countries’ schools and having high salary furthermore. Of course, they can keep contact with their relatives through the internet and come back home by convenient means of transport.

With respect to the positive aspects of the trend and living overseas, I believe that they outweigh the negative aspects on account of enrichment of knowledge and skills.

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 [DN1]Vocabulary error: Never use folks in academic writing

 [DN2]Suggestion : These days many people choose to live or work in other countries, which has been made possible because of the convenience of air travel and modern communications. I believe that this has more benefits than drawbacks.

 [DN3]Grammar mistake: This phrase makes no sense and irrelevant!

 [DN4]Too informal for academic writing.

 [DN5]Grammar mitstake: truly is an adverb, which cannot be used with anoun (abiity).

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CRITERIA	GRADE	COMMENT
Task Achievement	6	• addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than others • presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or repetitive • presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear
Coherence and Cohesion	6	• arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression • uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical • may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately • uses paragraphing, but not always logically
Lexical Resource	6	• uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task • attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy • makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede communication
Grammatical Range and Accuracy	6	• uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms • makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication
Overall	6.0

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Model Answer:

These days many people choose to live or work in other countries, which has been made possible because of the convenience of air travel and modern communications. I believe that this has more benefits than drawbacks. The disadvantage of this development is the distance that is put between family members. If a person moves away it is true that air travel and devices such as skype mean that communication and contact can be maintained. However, it is likely that a person will only be able to return one or two times a year during holidays, and speaking on skype or via email is not the same as face-to-face contact. Despite this, there are significant advantages it can bring to people’s lives. Firstly, it means that people have the opportunity to see other parts of the world and the way people live. For example, people from the West often go to work in Asia or the Middle East and visa-versa. This enriches many people’s lives as they get to learn about other languages, traditions, cultures and different ways of working from their own country. In addition to this, on a wider level it may also benefit other countries. If someone moves abroad for work, it is usually because their skill is required there. To illustrate, nurses and Doctors often move to work in hospitals in other countries when there is a shortage, so this is very valuable to the place they move to. I would therefore argue that although there are disadvantages of the current trend to live and work abroad, they are outweighed by the advantages. It can enrich people’s lives and lives of the people in the countries that they move to. https://sunrise.edu.vn/2015/04/huong-dan-lam-bai-writing-task-2-advantages-and-disadvantages/

 

Comments

Thank you for your help!^^

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tích cực góp ý bài viết và đăng bài chữa bạn nhé ^^

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hê hê, em sẽ cố gắng ạ!

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mà ad ơi, ad có thể giải thích cho em tại sao không được dùng folks trong bài được không ạ? Nó không học thuật hay sao vậy ad?