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The diagrams below show the design for a wave-energy machine and its location.

Writing task 1

The provided diagram sketches out the illustration for how to operate a wave-machine and options for where it should be installed.

A glance at the diagram reveals that the process in which a wave-machine function is sophisticated.

It is conspicuous that a wave-machine consists of two different chambers. In the first stage, water will flow into the below chamber along the wave direction. As the water level rises, air flow will be pushed upwards. At the same time, air flow from the top comes through the chamber, increasing more air pressure which rotates the turbines. The spinning of the turbines is the key to operate the electricity generator.

On the other hand, where the wave-machine is located also affect its output. It could be plainly viewed that in order to produce more energy, the wave-machine should be put away from the land. Locating the machine at where large waves are definitely will bring about higher output. But in turn, it would cost a lot to be installed. Accordingly, installing the machine at places with small waves can reduce the cost, but the result will not be as high as that at location with large waves.

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The provided diagram sketches out the illustration for how to operate a wave-machine and options for where it should be installed.

A glance at the diagram reveals that the process in which a wave-machine function is sophisticated.

It is conspicuous that a wave-machine consists of two different chambers. In the first stage, water will flow into the below chamber along the wave direction. As the water level rises, air flow will be pushed upwards. At the same time, air flow from the top comes through the chamber, increasing more air pressure which rotates the turbines. The spinning of the turbines is the key to operate the electricity generator.

On the other hand,[N1]  where the wave-machine is located also affect its output. It could be plainly viewed that in order to produce more energy, the wave-machine should be put away[N2] from the land. Locating[N3]  the machine at where large waves are definitely will bring about higher output. But in turn, it would cost a lot to be installed. Accordingly, installing the machine at places with small waves can reduce the cost, but the result will not be as high as that at location with large waves.


 [N1]Why use the phrase “On the other hand” when they are not contrasting points?

This isn’t clear because “put away” is usually used with the meaning “to hide something”. You can use “placed further” instead.

 [N3]Vocabulary error: Locating means “to discover the exact place or position of”. In this case, if I understand correctly, you might want to use other words like “constructing”


CRITERIA

GRADE

COMMENT

 Task Achievement

9

• addresses the task fully 
• expresses a position 
• presents main ideas and these are sufficiently developed

Coherence and Cohesion

8

• presents information with some organisation but there may 
be a lack of overall progression 
• makes inadequate, inaccurate or over-use of cohesive
devices 
• may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and 
substitution 
• may not write in paragraphs, or paragraphing may be 
inadequate 
 

Lexical Resource

8

• uses a wide range of vocabulary which is adequate for the task 
• may use some words inappropriately.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

9

• uses a wide range of structures 
• attempts complex sentences 
• no noticeable grammar errors

Overall

8.5

Overall, your essay is good. You just need to be more careful when using phrasal verbs or synonyms

 

 

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