[WRITING TASK 1] The charts show the main methods of transport of people travelling to one university

Question

The charts show the main methods of transport of people travelling to one university in 2004 and 2009.

Summarise the information be selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

 

 

Two pie charts indicate the rate of people move to a specific university by various modes of transportation in 2004 and 2009.

Overall, car and bus took the majority of proportion in comparison with other conveyance method in 2004. After car parking charged fee in 2006 and a bus stop was built in 2008, bus took over the first position of car to become the most common mean of transport. The percentage of people walked and traveled by train witnessed an insignificant rise and remained the least choice to university.

Over 50 percent of people drove car to university in 2004 but the rate decimated nearly a half to 28 percent in 2009. Taking account for approximately a third, bus was at second rank after car in 2004 and the ratio experienced an increase to 46 percent after five years to overcome car position. Besides, while only 9 percent of people rode bicycle to school in 2004, it spiked considerably to 16 percent in 2009.  

 

Answer 1

Two pie charts indicate[D1]  the rate of people move to [D2] a specific university by various modes of transportation in 2004 and 2009.

Overall, car and bus took [D3] the majority of proportion in comparison with other conveyance method [D4] in 2004. After car parking charged fee in 2006 and a bus stop was built in 2008, bus took over the first position of car to become the most common mean of transport. The percentage of people walked and traveled by train [D5] witnessed an insignificant rise [D6] and remained the least choice to university.

Over 50 percent of people drove car to university in 2004 but the rate decimated [D7] nearly a half to 28 percent in 2009. Taking account for approximately a third, bus was at second rank after car in [D8] 2004 and the ratio[D9]  experienced an increase [D10] to 46 percent after five years to overcome car position. [D11] Besides, while only 9 percent of people rode bicycle to school in 2004, it spiked considerably to 16 percent in 2009.  

                                                                                                                                                                        165 words

---

 [D1]Vocabulary suggestion: illustrate

 [D2]Inappropriate vocabulary: go/travel

Grammar error: travelling/ going

 [D3]Vocabulary suggestion: represented/accounted for/ made up

 [D4]Inappropriate vocabulary: means of transportation

 [D5]Grammar error: walking and travelling by train

 [D6]Inappropriate structure: the percentage …. Slightly

Or

Walking and travelling by train witnessed a slight increase in their percentage

 [D7]Inappropriate vocabulary: decreased/ declined/ fell down

 [D8]Idea suggestion: bus was the second most popular mean of transportation in 2004, which accounted for approximately 33%.

 [D9]Inappropriate vocabulary: the rate/ proportion/ percentage/ figure

 [D10]Inappropriate vocabulary: increased (something like bus… experienced an increase, not the number)

 [D11]Idea suggestion: to take the position of cars

---

CRITERIA	GRADE	COMMENT
Task Achivement	6.0	• addresses the requirements of the task • presents an overview with information appropriately selected • presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points but details may be irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate
Coherence and Cohension	5.5	• arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression • makes inadequate, inaccurate or overuse of cohesive devices • may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution•
Lexicle Resource	6.0	• uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision • may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation
Grammatical Range and Accuracy	5.5	• uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms • may make frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty; errors can cause some difficulty for the reader
Overall	6.0	Overall, your essay is OK, you forgot to use the correct tense (Past simple). See my comments above and try to eliminate some grammar mistakes which may lower your band score. You have great potential, be more careful next time.