[WRITING TASK 1] The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy

Question

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy.

 

 

Two pie charts illustrate and contrast the pleasures bringing happiness to two separate age groups which are under 30 and over 30.

Overall, regardless of age, success at work and doing hobbies present the largest proportions of happiest aspirations. Apparently, there are differences indicated through the charts that younger people are satisfied with good appearance and travelling, while older ones are happy when they are with family and guarantee the finance source.

It is clear that there is no significant disparity between young group and old group for the section of work achievement and doing hobbies. Taking account for the biggest section, 31 percent of younger people and 32 percent of older people are pleasant by achievement at work. Besides, 22 percent of people under 30 and 24 percent of people over 30 feel happy to do hobbies.

Good looking section contributes 18 percent to the reason people under 30 are happy for, on the contrary, the happy factor accounts for a fifth proportion of people over 30 is financial safety. Moreover, 15 percent of younger people are happy by travelling which differentiates from another group as nearly 15 percent of people over 30 prefer being with family for happiness.

 

Answer 1

Hi bạn,

Bài bạn viết mình thấy phân chia bố cục khá hợp lí, tuy nhiên trong câu "Good looking section contributes 18 percent to the reason people under 30 are happy for, on the contrary, the happy factor accounts for a fifth proportion of people over 30 is financial safety." Bạn có sử dụng "On the contrary" mình thấy không hợp lí. Đợt mình học thầy giáo có nói On the contrary là từ dùng để chứng minh vế trước/câu trước là sai, chứ nó không có nghĩa giống như In/By contrast.

Bạn có thể tra lại từ điển để coi cách dùng nha.

Comments

Cám ơn bạn, để mình tra lại.