Writing ietls task 1 - table

Question

link: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-L-Xr9nl2-mQ/VlfSasdJUbI/AAAAAAAABG0/I_ih95q5o4o/s1600/table.jpg

 

The table compares the difference between two age groups of boys who took part in 5 sports in the UK in 2010.

Overall, several key features revealing from the table show that there were more boys from 6 to 11 than those from 12 to 16 participating in these sports apart from swimming. It can also be seen that football was the most popular kind of sport among boys in both two age groups.

Football had the largest number of male players from 6 to 16 in UK, with 165 boys, doubling the figure for swimming which was the least favored sport (38 boys). Ranked at the second position was cricket, with 45 participants from 6 to 11 and 34 participants from 12 to 16. Moreover, the number of boys from 6 to 11 who played basket ball was marginally higher than that from 12 to 16 years old, with 35 and 25 boys respectively. Following the same pattern, rugby also had more players at the age from 6 to 11 than those from 12 to 16, with 23 and 21 participants respectively. It is also notable in the table that the number of swimmers in both age groups was the same, at 19 boys, which was different from the other sports.

Answer 1

The table compares the difference [SC1] between[SC2]  two age groups of boys who took part in 5 sports in the UK in 2010.

Overall, several key features revealing [SC3] from the table show that there were more boys from 6 to 11 than those from 12 to 16[SC4]  participating in these sports apart from swimming. It can also be seen that football was the most popular kind of sport [SC5] among boys in both two age groups.
[SC6] 
Football had the largest number of male players from 6 to 16 in UK, with 165 boys, doubling the figure for swimming which was the least favored sport (38 boys). [SC7] Ranked at the second position was cricket, with 45 participants from 6 to 11 and 34 participants from 12 to 16. Moreover, the number of boys from 6 to 11 who played basket ball was marginally higher than that from 12 to 16 years old, with 35 and 25 boys respectively. Following the same pattern, rugby also had more players at the age from 6 to 11 than those from 12 to 16, with 23 and 21 participants respectively. It is also notable in the table that the number of swimmers in both age groups was the same, at 19 boys, which was different from the other sports.[SC8]

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 [SC1] [SC1]Expression suggestion: difference is too general=> proportion or percentagea

 [SC2]Expression suggestion: => of 

 [SC3]Vocabulary error: feature and revealing are wrong in meaning of context, you should check these words carefully in dictionary

 [SC4]Expression suggestion: need to use academic words

=> The proportion of the younger people cross over than the older people 

 [SC5]Grammar error: correct => in all kind of sports

 [SC6]Vocabulary error: These words are not appropriate in context, correct: just eliminate these words

 [SC7]Technical error: you failed at demand of the question statement ( the numbers in table that are percentage not quantity )

 [SC8]Technical error: you failed at demand of the question statement ( the numbers in table that are percentage not quantity )