LEISURE ACTIVITIES IN EUROPE

Question

Đây là bài của mình, mong mọi người góp ý (mình mới học IELTS, mình có xem phần đáp án gợi ý và viết lại)

A glance at two pie charts provided reveals the striking changes in the data on how popular different leisure activities taken part in by European adults were in 1985 and 1995.

It is evident from the information supplied that watching TV was by far the most common activity in both years, with 32 percent in 1985 and a slightly lower 30 percent in 1995. The most significant change, however, was the increased popularity of playing computer games. Not a single respondent to the survey rated this activity as their preffered pastime in 1985, but this figure  then escalated exponentially, accounting for 27 percent in 1995. Also more popular in 1995 was talking with friends, occupying 26 percent in 1995 compared to 21 percent in a decade earlier.

In stark contrast, all other activites witnessed considerable declines in prevalence. Eating out-which was the second most widely enjoyed activity in 1985 with 23 percent of respondents-plunged to a mere 8 percent in 1995. Likewise, in comparison with a 10-percent-decrease (down to 8 percent in 1995) in the popularity ratings of talking with family, a marked fall by 4 percent was also recorded in the figure for other activites over the period (from 6 percent in 1985).

(204 words)

Answer 1

watching TV was by far the most common activity in both years, with 32 percent in 1985 and a slightly lower 30 percent in 1995.  chủ từ của cả câu đó là Watching Tv , nhưng Watching TV nó có chiếm 32 % đâu, mà phải là số người xem TV chiếm 32 % trong tổng số người trong cuộc điều tra năm đó. Vậy nên khi dùng with bạn phải để ý điều đó.
sử dụng : with + % of N/N(phrase) hoặc with + số N/N(Phrase)

Chú ý thêm nữa là các số duwois 12 cần viết dạng chữ nhé.
các bạn có chữa gì thêm bổ xung!

Comments

Mình cảm ơn bạn nhé! Câu "watching TV was by far the most common activity in both years, with 32 percent in 1985 and a slightly lower 30 percent in 1995. " là mình lấy trong cuốn write right bạn ạ. Mình cũng thấy một số bài mẫu dùng như vậy nhưng vẫn băn khoăn k biết đúng hay sai.