lần đầu tiên em pót bài, rất mong đc giúp đỡ ạ (the numbers of minutes (in billon) of telephone of UK)

Question

Question: The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone call in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002.Summarise the information by selecting a reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The chart illustrated the number of minutes( in billions) of telephone call in UK, divided into three categoris consist of: local-fixed line, national and international-fixed line and mobiles (all calls) from 1995-2002.

​Overall, from 1995 to 2002, the number of minutes (in billion) of telephone of UK quite stable in every catogories. The local-fixed line always took the highest rate, meawhile, the mobiles always took the lowest rate.

​The number of minutes (in billion) of local-fixed lines had no fluctuation, reached a peak in 1999 and after that it decreased slightly. Unlike local-fixed lines, starting with a low rate in 1995, the number of minutes of mobiles increased slowly from 1995 to 1999 and went up significantly in period of 2000 and 2002.

​The national and international-fixed lines was quite stable with the numbers was not too hight as well as too low. From 1995 to 2002, it had tendency to rise like the numbers of mobiles. It was not rapidly but reamained stable like local-fixed line.

 

 

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Answer 1

The chart illustrated the number of minutes( in billions) of telephone call in UK, divided into three categoris consist of: local-fixed line, national and international-fixed line and mobiles (all calls) from 1995-2002.

​Overall, from 1995 to 2002, the number of minutes (in billion) of telephone of UK quite stable in every catogories. The local-fixed line always took the highest rate, meawhile, the mobiles always took the lowest rate.

​The number of minutes (in billion) of local-fixed lines had no fluctuation, reached a peak in 1999 and after that it decreased slightly. Unlike local-fixed lines, starting with a low rate in 1995, the number of minutes of mobiles increased slowly from 1995 to 1999 and went up significantly in period of 2000 and 2002.

​The national and international-fixed lines was quite stable with the numbers was not too hight as well as too low. From 1995 to 2002, it had tendency to rise like the numbers of mobiles. It was not rapidly but reamained stable like local-fixed line.

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Comments

cảm ơn ạ :))

Answer 2

1/ Generally speaking, your outline is clear. Your analysis is sufficient and you have a good use of transitions and a variety of descriptive words to show the trend of the graph.

2/ However, you should pay more attention to grammatical accuracy:

- A number of + Plural Noun + plural verb

- The number of + plural Noun + Singular verb

"the number of minutes (in billion) of telephone of UK quite stable in every catogories." --> "stables"

3/ It's better if you vary your structure to avoid repetition:

"The local-fixed line always took the highest rate, meawhile, the mobiles always took the lowest rate." --> possibly changed "were the lowest."

 4/ It was not rapidly but reamained stable like local-fixed line. --> 2 ways to correct

a/ Add an adjective after rapidly to make it balance with what is after "but".

b/ Change rapidly into rapid. 

Also, I don't think remained is an adverb, so you can use its equivalent "sustainably"

Comments

many thanks :)))