Task 2- Young people and unpaid works.

Question

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help local community. They believe this would benefit both individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays, more and more young people are getting involved volunteering in social works in the area where they live. Some people think that this would bring many benefits for individual youngster and our community. I totally agree with this point.

For individual, when young people take part in unpaid work, they can acquire many important skills and invaluable working experiences which are very necessary for their future jobs. For instance, when they are working in a team on a project, they develop their communication skill and team- building skill. Besides, teenagers can get knowledge, working experiences while doing on social work projects that relates to their major. For example, teaching children in your local area bring hands-on experiences for people who want to be teachers in the future. What’s more, young people can understand more about their role they play in society and it help them to become responsible citizens.

For society, it’s obvious that volunteer workers can create valuable community services, solving needs of people. Voluntary works such as supporting the poor with food and clothes, job training can lift the burdens of their shoulders. In addition, more money is spent on local improvements through charity funds. Moreover, volunteering can strengthen the connectivity between teenagers and society. While engaging unpaid works, they help many people from all walks of life without asking for anything in return. Therefore, their doings creates the random acts of kindness which makes a better society.

In conclusion, young people should be encouraged to get involved more in voluntary works for their own development and for a better society.

 

Answer 1

Nowadays, more and more ( cái này giống văn phong nói hơn là viết á bạn ) young people are getting involved volunteering in social works in the area where they live. Some people think that this would bring many benefits for individual youngster and our community. I totally agree with this point.

For individual, when young people take part in unpaid work, they can acquire many important skills and invaluable working experiences which are very necessary for their future jobs. For instance, when they are working (work) in a team on a project, they develop their communication skill and team- building skill. Besides, teenagers can get knowledge, working ( work) experiences while doing on social work projects that relates to their major. For example, teaching children in your local area brings hands-on experiences for people who want to be teachers in the future. What’s more, young people can understand more about their role they play in society and it helps them to become responsible citizens.

For society, it’s obvious that volunteer workers can create valuable community services, solving needs of people. Voluntary works such as supporting the poor with food and clothes, job training can lift the burdens of their shoulders. In addition, more money is spent on local improvements through charity funds ( kết quả???). Moreover, volunteering can strengthen the connectivity( connection ???) between teenagers and society. While engaging unpaid works, they help many people from all walks of life without asking for anything in return. Therefore, their doings creates the random acts of kindness which makes a better society.

In conclusion, young people should be encouraged to get involved more in voluntary works for their own development and for a better society.

- mình nghĩ nên có nhũng từ nói như firstly, secondly...

Answer 2

Bạn cần sắp xếp lại ý khi viết bài

Bạn lặp lại từ work khá là nhiều bạn có thể thay thế bằng job/activities

Nowadays (Nowadays nên hạn chế dùng trong bài có thể thay thế bằng these days), more and more (cụm này ít dùng trong writing do đó phải cân nhắc khi dùng) young people are getting involved volunteering in social works in the area where they live. Some people think that this would bring many benefits for individual youngsters and our community. I totally agree with this point.

For individuals, when young people take part in unpaid work, they can acquire many important skills and invaluable working experiences which are very necessary for their future jobs. For instance, when they are working (work) in a team on a project, they develop their communication skills and team- building skills. Besides, teenagers can get knowledge, working experiences while doing on social work projects that relates to their majors (lặp ý) . For example, teaching children in your (hạn chế dùng) local area brings hands-on experiences for people who want to be teachers in the future. What’s more (bạn có thể triển khai thêm ý này thay vì lăp lại knowledge and working experience), young people can understand more about their roles they play in society and it helps them to become responsible citizens.

For society, it’s obvious that volunteer workers can create valuable community services, solving (solve) needs of people. Voluntary works such as supporting the poor with food and clothes, job training can lift the burdens of their shoulders (ý này chưa rõ ràng bạn cần giải thích thêm về ý nghĩ của job training với the burdens of their shoulders). In addition, more money is spent on local improvements through charity funds (câu này không mạch lạc và lạc ý với câu trên). Moreover, volunteering can strengthen the connectivity between teenagers and society. While engaging unpaid works, they help many people from all walks of life without asking for anything in return. Therefore, their doings creates the random acts of kindness which makes a better society.

In conclusion, young people should be encouraged to get involved more in voluntary works for their own development and for a better society.