People (dùng there are là được rồi, dùng people cho câu sau) have different views about the purposes (hậu quả chứ nhỉ?) of advertising for to children. While others some people believe that advertisements have negative impacts with a great deal on youngsters and ought to prohibit it; however, I also totally agree with this statement (viết chán quá, nếu đồng ý thì nói là I agree with the view that..., viết thế này chả ra là đồng ý hay không đồng ý). Discusses below are several factors that support my perspective. (mấy câu dạng này nên tham khảo các bài mẫu, đơn giản và dễ dùng)
Firstly, it is vitally important that young people would be affected by advertisements, especially violent ones those with violent content. This means that youngsters are easily to commit crimes (diễn đạt chưa đúng, thay bằng are likely to nhé), for example, nowadays, there has many burgulars and killers who are children due to speding too much tume to see and follow actions from advertising on mass media (dài dòng quá) (viết thử cho bạn: In some cases, adolescents are likely to... due to/ because of... nên dùng cụm Danh Từ là hợp lý nhất). Additionally, parents have to waste a lot of money to buy goods that are showed on TV for their siblings because those teenagers require these things (viết thế này chưa làm nổi bật mức độ tiêu cực) (It is also true that... causes people to buy...). It is apparent to note that advertisements on TV or other media are highky likely to make children have negative characteristics and thinking. One particularly salient an example of this is young citizens demand their parents to buy goods for their requirements by any way. (ý trên có thể viết thêm 1 câu diễn giải và lồng luôn such as vào để đưa ví dụ, như vậy là vừa vặn)
Further and even more importanty, though, youngsters can be addicted by such advertisements mainly because it makes a great impression on them by pictures and sounds. Children can spend their time to sit front of televions for a long time. As a result of such addiction, their eyes can become badly and they lose real relationships in the real world. Moreover, in recent years, a large number of young people are be depressed and feel lonely due to no friends or lelatives around them. Take big cities of Vietnam as an example, children who live there do not enough lands to play and have outdoor activities, so they must to stay at home to watch TV or surf the Internet.
Đoạn này nhận xét ngoài luồng tí, vì ở đây bạn chọn 1 chiều nên rất khó viết. Bên trên 2 ý bạo lực và mua hàng không cần thiết đã là rất hợp lý rồi. Nếu bạn chuyển thành 2 chiều thì dễ viết hơn nhiều. Đoạn 3 này mình không muốn nhận xét vì cả 2 ý này đều yếu so với 2 ý của Đoạn 2, và rời rạc nếu bạn định liên kết.
In conclusion, I still hold the conservative view that its drawbacks are overwhelming its interests, but apart from such disadventages it seems to me that..., I also believe that advertisements bring a lot of information about new products for customers (đừng đưa thông tin mới ở đây, đã viết 1 chiều là 1 chiều, còn viết 2 chiều thì Mở Bài phải sửa lại).