Mọi người sửa giùm e : Some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding motobikes. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
edited by
2,388 views
0 votes
0 votes
Traffic issues are always among the most controversial problems people worry about. Some argue that we should take action to reduce death toll of road accidents, such as restricting the legal age for driving cars and riding motorbikes. However, I do not think this is a comprehensive resolution to carry out.

Currently, the legal age for taking part in traffic is over 18. At the age of 18 and over, people are completely able to control a vehicle without hesitation. Moreover, it is not the age of a person that wholly influences the way they drive. Even a 18 adult may ride motorbikes safer than an older adult does. Age restriction may be effective to limit the number of drivers and riders, but this is not a clever solution that we could think about. In the contrary, increasing the minimum of the legal age may put young people at disadvantages when they have to travel to work and commute to educational institutions with far distance. This also makes public transport burdened if a large number of people who are not old enough to drive travel at a time. Personally, I would prefer riding myself rather than waiting at the bus stop. Public transports are good, however, sometimes they are not convenient.
On the other hand, I also believe that the main cause of road accidents is not for the age of drivers, rather a matter of people's conscience when they travel on roads. If everyone try to be more aware, try to be more careful, traffic accidents will reduce significantly. Moreover, instead of increasing the age for driving, we had better improve traffic systems, roads, buildings, and bridges... to help reduce traffic congestion, then further reduce accidents as a result.
In my view, I would choose to change the way we drive more carefully rather than limiting the legal age for taking part in traffic.
edited by
by
0 points

Please log in or register to answer this question.

1 Answer

0 votes
0 votes

Traffic issues are always among the most controversial problems (that) people worry (concern) about. Some argue (some arguments, because "argure" is a verb form, in this case you must use a noun, not a verb) that we should take action to reduce death toll of road accidents, such as restricting the legal age for driving cars and riding motorbikes. (you should not use again these pharases which appear in the content of topic since that does not show the variety of vacabulary you need have).

Currently, the legal age for taking part in traffic is over 18. At the age of 18 and over, people are completely able to control a vehicle without hesitation. Moreover, it is not the age of a person that wholly influences the way they drive. (You can exert this sentence to fit youe idea, such as "However, the competence to control transport is regardless with their age")

Even a 18 adult may ride motorbikes (more) safer than an older adult does. Age (aging) restriction may effective (this is adjective, but in this sentence you need a verb, not adjective, so you should use affect or cause) to limit the number of drivers and riders, but this is not a clever solution (sustainable measure) that we could think about. Increasing the minimum of the legal age may put young people at disadvantages ( you used wrong formation in this case, "put someone into something")when they need to travel to work and commute to educational institutions with far distance. This also makes public transport burdened if a large number of people who are not old enough to drive travel at a time. Personally, I would prefer riding myself rather than waiting at the bus stop (please be double-check your grammar in relation to conditional clauses because you maybe followed your nose without catering about how to use grammatic structure effectively). Public transports are good, however, sometimes they are not convenient. (You opinion is quite perfect but you did not know how to take advantage of that, your sentence is fairly simple and not enough adcademic instruction, you can refer my sentence instead, such as "Public transport apparatus is significantly convenient with the range of routes cross residental ares, nevertheless, in some urgent situations that system does not work effectively owing to its specific features").

On the other hand, I also believe that the main cause of road accidents is not for the age of drivers, rather a matter of people's conscience when they travel on roads. If everyone try to be more aware, try to be more careful, traffic accidents will reduce significantly. Moreover, instead of increasing the age for driving, we had better improve traffic systems, roads, buildings, and bridges... to help reduce traffic congestion, then further reduce accidents as a result.
In my view, I would choose to change the way we drive more carefully rather than limiting the legal age for taking part in traffic.

Generally speaking, your task obtains some active points, nonetheless, you got some mistakes in grammar, organized structures and academic feature, diversity of vocabulary, etc.

 

Hope you get something useful, keep it up!

by
136 points

2 Comments

Thank Nguyen Kiem a lot.

Did I write this task in the right way ? This essay is of Arguement type, isn't it? :) At this time I am studying Ielts on my own, so I would be very grateful for your feedback :)

Your essay was written by the confused structure, I mean that I do not want to comment your task is right or wrong but I can give you some valuable advices in relation to this type.

Firstly, into the introduction segment, you should elucidate the central point of topic and give your general perspective about given theme. In this task you did well but I advise that you should use academic vocabulary, your utilized words are so simple and that is not remarkable.

Secondly, in the dominant factor, you need to indicate the befinits when regulating the legal age. Afterwards, you have to continue protecting your innitial opinion by illustrating its disadvatages and explaination. In your essay, you failed to show these scences, let's see:

"Moreover, it is not the age of a person that wholly influences the way they drive. Even a 18 adult may ride motorbikes safer than an older adult does. Age restriction may be effective to limit the number of drivers and riders, but this is not a clever solution that we could think about": Second paragraph.

"I also believe that the main cause of road accidents is not for the age of drivers, rather a matter of people's conscience when they travel on roads": Third paragraph.

The above mentioned sentences are the same idea, you have to demonstrate the different ideas between them.

Thirdly, in conclusion part, you should condense both opinions, agree and disagree and give your own idea, but remember that you just summerize them in two sentences, not too long.

Thank for reading, hoping some things useful. 

 

Related questions