Bài IELTS Task1 - Sách IELTS 5-6.5 band. [closed]

Question

Given are two figure concerning fulfillment .The first provides data on the rates of conviction among married and unmarried people in four age group in the US, while the second indicates the happiness of married couple when they have a baby or not.

It is evident that the married people is more fulfillment than the unmarried people, this percentage remain with married couple ,no matter what, their children in what age and people is happier in later life.

Decreasing from approximately 45 percent in 18-29-year-old people to 44 percent in people aged 30-49, this percentage remain in people who age 60 and over. However, In 50-64-year-old people, this figure dramatically decrease at 40 percent- the lowest overall of married people. In stark contrast, The trend of the fulfillment’s unmarried people is not high. In people aged 18-29 and 50-64 is same percent- 21 percent, this percentage slightly increase to 22 percent at 30-49 year old people, nevertheless, 65 and over year old people is happier, this percentage soar to 34 percent.

Further and even more importantly, the married couple is more fulfillment when their children under 18 years old-44 percent, this percent softly decrease to 41 percent when their children grow up to 18 plus year old. It is interesting to note that, married couple who have not children also happier-43 percent.

 

Cảm ơn anh chỉ đã đọc giúp e. Mong nhận được nhiều ý kiến từ anh chị. 

Answer 1

Given are two figure concerning fulfillment .The first chart/table provides data on describes the rates of conviction among married and unmarried people in four age group in the US, while the second indicates the happiness of married couple when they have a baby or not.

It is evident that  Overall/General speaking/It is clear that.. the married people is are more fulfillment than the unmarried people one, this percentage remain with married couple ,no matter what, their children in what age and people is happier in later life.  (chưa rõ ý???)

Decreasing from approximately 45 percent in 18-29-year-old people to 44 percent in people aged 30-49, (mình không hiểu ý này của bạn, vì không có chart kèm theo nên rất khó hiểu) this percentage remains in people who age 60 and over. However, In 50-64-year-old people, this figure dramatically decreases to at 40 percent- the lowest overall of married people. In stark contrast, The trend of the fulfillment’s unmarried people is not high. In people aged 18-29 and 50-64 is are same percent- 21 percent, this percentage slightly increases to with 22 percent at 30-49 year old people, nevertheless, 65 and over year old people is are happier, this percentage soar to 34 percent.

Further and even more importantly, the married couple is are more fulfillment when their children under 18 years old-44 percent, this percent softly decreases to 41 percent when their children grow up to 18 plus years old. It is interesting to note that, married couple who have not children also happier- at 43 percent.

Comments

Mình bổ sung thêm 

- Thiếu Linking words ( Additionally ,....) ( -0.5 in CC )

- Lặp từ ( fulfillment , married peole.... ) , lặp ý ( It is interesting ....) ( -0.5 in LR )

- Quá dài 220 words ( -1 in TA)

 

Band Score : 4

Lời khuyên : Đừng nên thi bây giờ , tốn tiền

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Em cảm ơn chị.
ở câu đầu tiên sao lại ko dùng được vậy?, e đọc trong sách write right thấy có dùng, given là danh từ, mang nghĩa hiễn nhiên là.

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Dài cũng bị trừ điểm nữa ak a. ?

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chính xác, vượt quá 1 hạn mức sẽ bị trừ

Task 1 là 150 : vượt quá 220 là -1 trong cột Task achievement

Task 2 là 250 : vượt quá 320 là -1 trong cột Task Responde

Cũng có thang điểm -0,5 và -0,25 nhưng nó không đáng kể

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Tks a. e sẽ rút kinh nghiệm.