Most schools offer some type of physical education program to their students. Why is physical education important? Should physical education classes be required or optional?

Question

1. Every subject in schools is necessary for students. With respect to physical education, such subject also plays a vital role in order to improve human’s health. Therefore, physical education is important.
2. Physical education is not simply a subject. It can help students in many factors. After stressful learning shifts, students have chance to do their favorite sports such as tennis, volleyball, football, etc which help students out to energize. In addition, sports have an essential function to strengthen student’s health, supporting much more smother cardiovascular operation as well as different organs inside body. Not only providing knowledge with regard to sports but physical education also teaches students how to play effectively and helps them prevent severe injuries during playing time. More beneficial, practicing sports in physical education generates healthier bodies, avoiding serious diseases as to blood circulation, respiratory related organs without using drugs or surgeries.
3. As a result, physical education should be a main subject in educational curriculum in most schools. However, it depends on kind of school and level of students so that educationalists can apply sufficiently this subject in realistic schools. In educational system for primary and secondary, physical education should be required to orient students what sorts of sports or activities will fit each one. This stage is fundamental background to support student aware about functions of physical education. Going up higher levels of school such as high school or higher education system, physical education should be optional. In these ages, students have enough conscious about the field. They have ability to arrange their schedule for their daily activities. Schools should not fix when students must go to physical education class if they feel the time is not suitable to them. Besides, students can do exercise at home with multiple equipments such as treadmills and other exercising machines. Those methods also create many benefits to upgrade students’ health without physical education lessons.

Answer 1

Hi bạn. Mình góp ý bài viết như sau:

1. Nếu bạn viết theo structure của 1  bài writing task 2 thì bài này chưa ổn.

Giả sử như đoạn số 1 là mở bài của bạn thì thesis statement của bạn chưa đúng với câu hỏi của đề.

" Why is physical education important? Should physical education classses be required or optional? => thesis statement nên chứa nội dung như là:  The essay will discuss the reasons as to why physical education is important and present my idea of its essence in educational classes.

Tương tự, mình chưa thấy kết bài của bạn.

2. Mình thấy 1 số lỗi về dùng từ. Ví dụ như " learning shift ". Shift mang nghĩa là ca làm việc, nên nó sẽ dùng chung với những từ liên quan đến công việc

3. Lập từ. Ví dụ physical education và student lập lại quá nhiều, Bạn có thể dùng physical activities, learner, undergraduate, schoolchildren, junior,,...

4. Một số cấu trúc câu. Ví dụ về Not only...but also. Trong bài bạn dùng also làm trạng từ, nhưng quy tắc không đổi là vế của Not only với vế của but also là như nhau.

Sửa lại như thế này:

Not only does physical activities provide knowledge of sports but those activities also teach schoolchildren ....

Comments

Thanks comment cuả bạn, mình sẽ cố gắng trong lần viết sau (lần đầu viết nên không thể hoàn hảo ngay được), mong bạn tiếp tục góp ý cho mình trong những lần viết sau. Trân Trọng.

---

Okê bạn :D Mình cũng học được nhiều từ bài viết của bạn. Mình sẽ góp ý những bài tiếp theo khi có thời gian :D