Why do you think some parents put too much pressure on their children to perform well at school? What do you think the role of a parent should be in their child's education?

Question

           It has been seen in many cases that children’s are completely ignored by their parents or have very little time to check their performances in the school, one other hand it there is cases where children with good results are under constant pressure from their parents to achieve even better grades. In both cases, there are detrimental effects on child performance in daily life.

           Parents put their children under constant pressure to achieve the better result is because they want them to excel in their life. They are often found to have tough schedule throughout the day and have very little or no time for extracurricular activity. Children with good grades get scholarships and chance to get internship opportunities in reputable organizations. With every growing population in order to get admission in best college or universities require you to be the best and in often cases selection is based on mere between decimal numbers.

           It has been seen much time that this immense pressure on the child has given negative results. Child Is unable to cope with this pressure and his/her results start to drop. On the other hand, parents giving no attention to their child performs has seen the even far detrimental effect on the child either they are dropping out of the school or have been found in the wrong company.

           I believe the role of parents should be at the moderate level in terms of keeping an eye on their performance. If child’s performance is below par they should be encouraged and extra attention should be paid in order to achieve desired results, however, if they are good with their performance they should be rewarded and should be explained that in order to get a greater reward they have to perform even better.

Answer 1

Từ đoạn mở bài bạn đã hiểu sai đề bài rồi.

Đề bài có hai ý câu hỏi, nhưng bạn viết lại theo dạng Discussion

Thứ hai là, ở câu hỏi sau, người ta hỏi quan điểm của bạn, nên trong introduction bạn nên đưa ra quan điểm luôn để bài rõ ràng

Có khá nhiều lỗi ngữ pháp trong bài của bạn. Mình lấy vài ví dụ nhé:

one other hand --> On the other hand

Parents put their children under constant pressure to achieve the better result is because they want them to excel in their life ---> bỏ is, với không dùng they - them cùng lúc trong câu này để vừa thay cho parents và children được, dễ gây khó hiểu

With every growing population in order to get admission in the best colleges or universities require you to be the best and in often cases selection is based on mere between decimal numbers (Câu này chưa có chủ ngữ thì phải?)