Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology. This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Question

As societies have been developing rapidly, health issue has become a primary concern. Some people argue that most wealthy nations should invest in high-priced healthcare equipment and treatment. However, others maintain that the community should be educated about health issue so that they could live more happily and healthily.

It cannot be denied that advanced medical technology aid people in difficult situations such as a surgery or a transplant. For example, some heart surgeries or kidney transplants are so complicated that they could not become successful without advanced medical technology because humans are not able to conduct those cases by themselves. Costly healthcare machines also assist in offering proper diagnoses; as a result, patients are likely to receive effective treatment and save their time and money. Additionally, these gadgets are possibly beneficial to discovering unknown viruses and bacteria, laying the foundation for the research of new illnesses.

Despite the benefits of expensive healthcare equipment and treatment, people should be provided knowledge related to health issue. For example, the government should provide education in regard to nutritious diet, hygiene and mental health due to the fact that these factors directly affect people’s lives. Furthermore, sex education and first aid should be also taught to the public so that people could become fully aware of health and they will possibly lead a healthy life.

On balance, whether health budgets are spent on high-priced healthcare devices and treatment or on health education, they are both beneficial to the community of most developed nations. I am of the opinion that these two policies should be balanced if the government wish to obtain the best results.

Answer 1

Hi Inno,

Overall, your essay is quite good! The structure of the essay is well-arranged, so it is very easy to understand.

However, in order to get higher bands, i tkink  you should use more academic words as well as a variety of sentence structure ( if clause, passive voice, emphatic structure, relative clause).

As I know, some writing teachers suggest that we should give our opinion in the introduction part.

Good luck!

 

Nguyen Tinh