Past ielts essays - Some people claim that there are more disadvantages of the car than its advantages. Do you agree or disagree?

Question

The greater our need to travel is, the more cars become necessary and important. Notwithstanding, cars have brought so much trouble. Some people hold it that the drawbacks of the car outweigh its benefits. From my point of view, I agree with this idea.
On the one hand, there are some advantages of cars. Firstly, the car is a fast means of transportation. It offers flexibility on timing when there is no congestion or traffic jams. Secondly, cars are capable of carrying many heavy and big things. Rather than using animals to transport goods, we make it much easier than ever by using cars. Thirdly, we feel comfortable when traveling by car. For example, we can turn on the music in our cars. Some cars have air-conditioners in them.
On the other hand, a wide range of problems have been caused by cars. The biggest problem is that exhaust fumes from the car is one of the main sources of urban air pollution and greenhouse gas emissions. People who live in cities might suffer from respiratory diseases. In addition, accidents and crashes occur all the time. This causes innumerable casualties every year. And another problem is that cars make so much noise, and this disturbs many people living in the places where cars circulate.
In conclusion, although cars bring so many benefits to our life, I believe that we are facing a lot of problems of using cars.
(265 words)

Answer 1

ý bài viết của bạn rất tốt vocab cũng oke mình chỉ có một số góp ý : 

Thirdly, we feel comfortable when traveling by car. For example, we can turn on the music in our cars. Some cars have air-conditioners in them.

ý này hơi lộn xộn có thể sửa lại là For example, we can turn on the music in our cars and also some cars  have got air-conditioners , which is very convenient.

And another problem is that cars make so much noise, and this disturbs many people living in the places where cars circulate.

nên bỏ " and this " và thay bằng " which " thì sẽ trôi chảy hơn :))

 

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