Ielts task 2 - environmental problem (các bạn góp ý bài của mình với, cảm ơn mn)
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Topic: While some people consider global warming to be the most pressing environmental problem which we have at the moment, others believe that deforestation has a more devastating impact on our world. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Writing:

            Global warming now is considered by some to be the most serious environmental issue; however, others assert that deforestation has more detrimental effects on human. This essay will look at both sides before drawing a logical conclusion.

            On the one hand, there are several reasons why many think that global warming is the world’s acute environmental problem. Firstly, the Earth is becoming hotter, which can have corrosive impacts on human health. It is alleged that individuals are increasingly likely to suffer from many lung diseases due to the rigorous weather. Secondly, another alarming repercussion of global warming is related to the increasing number of the disasters. Admittedly, millions of people in the world died of catastrophic disasters such as droughts, hurricanes, and earthquakes. Besides, rather than investing in education and economy, governments instead spend budgets on repairing damaged houses and assisting the injured.

            On the other hand, those supporting the idea that forest destruction must be immediately solved believe that it negatively affects not only environment but also human life. The fact that destroying forests parellels destroying the habitat of a wide range of wild animals leads to unbalanced ecosystem. For instance, in Asian countries, the number of wild animals such as tigers and pandas has been decreasing in recent years since the governments cannot hinder deforestation. As a result, Asian nations are facing soil erosion and floods, which makes the living standard of Asian people low.

            To conclude, in my opinion, although I agree that global warming is the most pressing environmental problem, I think that both global warming and deforestation should be together solved. It is frequently believed that protecting forests is one of the best method in retarding global warming. 

(283 words)

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+ Ideal cũng như từ vựng về environment tốt ,  nhưng sự đa dạng về cấu trúc câu thấp

+ Cả bài đáng kể nhất là câu này nhưng cũng sai và rối rắm nốt 

Besides, rather than investing in education and economy, governments instead spend budgets on repairing damaged houses and assisting the injured. 

Câu này mình thấy hơi kì kì : instead of = rather than . Vậy rốt cuộc bạn ủng hộ đầu tư giáo dục và kinh tế hay là ủng hộ việc sữa chửa nhà ?

Mình xin được sửa lại theo ý riêng thế này nhé :

Besides , instead of pouring the majority of budgets into educational and economic investments , authorities should give priorities to support households and aid victims

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Cảm ơn bạn rất nhiều, cái câu bạn góp ý cho mình là cái câu mình học được qua một trang web của examiner chấm ielts, bản thân mình tra từ điển về cách sử dụng cũng thấy nó bất cập lắm :( Còn ý mình định truyền đạt là đáng nhẽ tiền đó có thể đầu tư vào giáo dục kinh tế, nhưng do thảm họa thiên nhiên, nên chính phủ phải đầu tư tiền vào việc ủng hộ những người gặp nạn.

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