Bài IELTS Task 2 sách Cambridge IELTS 6 test 1 Chào các bạn, mình đang tự luyện viết tại nhà nhưng không biết tự sửa bài thế nào cho đúng, các bạn giúp mình với nhé ^^ Chân thành cảm ơn ạ !

Question

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.  To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In commercial world as recent, it is advertisement power which is believed to considerably boost the total consumption instead of consumers’ real demandings. I totally accord with this point of view.

Firstly, as a matter of fact, consumers prefer to purchase good items seen on a variety of advertisement types rather than those of their actual needs, resulted from their over exposure to advertising programmes. As an excellent illustration, on minute piece of advertise which frequently  appear on TV screen in golden hours successfully catch viewers’ attention thanks to eye grabbing images and interesting slogans. Consequently, names of these products are stored in viewers’mind and encourage these people to pay for a trial. Regardless of  whether those consumers spent for those products in the next time or not, companies manufacture those kinds of goods surely gain profit.

Besides,promotion campaigns were carried out as another type of  advertising  with the aim of offering customers trials of their new products. Actually, a number of people counted to switch their referfrence on which they use to promoted products in these campaigns without hesitation. As long as those goods stays at average quality standard and sold with reasonable prize, the companies who base their business on those goods surely succeed in saling them.

To sum up, it is trust that the booming of advertisement not true demandings of  consumers is the key factor lead to the increasing consumption of goods. I personally support this view by reason that advertisement exert much more impact on customer view through wide range of its types.

Answer 1

Mình rất thích bài viết của bạn, dùng nhiều câu phức dài, từ "acedemic vừa phải :D" và ý rất rõ ràng. 

Tuy nhiên, ở phần mở bài, trước khi nêu lại ý kiến đã được ghi ở topic, bạn nên có một câu "general statement" để dẫn dắt. Mình sẽ sửa phần mở bài cho bạn như sau

In commercial world as recent, advertisement plays a very important role as a bridge for salers to meet their customers. In fact,  it is advertisement power which is believed to considerably boost the total consumption instead of consumers’ real demandings. I totally accord with this point of view.

Tiếp theo nữa, mình nghĩ bạn đã mở đầu bằng "First" ở đoạn thân bài thứ nhất, thì các đoạn tiếp theo nên là "Secondly", Third...

Và cuối cùng, phần kết bài, bạn chỉ sai chính tả, mình nghĩ ý bạn là "It is true/ It is the truth that..." :D

Đó là tất cả những ý kiến cá nhân của mình về bài của bạn, chúc bạn ngày càng tiến bộ và thành công :D