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Question

TOPIC: Many people believe that university students should pay tuition fees in full themselves, because they gain education for their own benefit and not for society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

            There is a widely held perception that tertiary learners must get tuition fees fully paid by themselves since they are the ones benefiting from higher education, not the society. In my point of view, this idea is completely absurd from every perspective.

            From one standpoint, the society should join hands with college students to pay for the cost of education because it  will soon benefit from education later on in the near future. That undergraduates will become main workforce helping a society thrive is probably undeniable. In addition, when a society is valued, education is one of the most crucial aspects to rely on. Therefore, it should be the responsibility of the society to subsidize for tertiary education.

            Another reason why university students need financial support from the society is that they have to face the high expenses when experiencing this level of education. They need money to spend on accommodations, food, and necessary materials. Hence, it would be a big headache for them if they were required to pay the whole tuition fees. As a result, numerous geniuses would not afford to attend university, which would be considerably catastrophic.

            In conclusion, I personally think that the society should pay the cost of university partially to help students and develop itself. 

Answer 1

Generally speaking, your essay has a clear outline and you can answer the given question. You can also use numerous transitional words  and complicated grammar points. However, here are some of my suggestions:

1/ ... since they are the ones benefiting from higher education, not the society. --> since they are the ones benefiting from higher education but not the society.  

2/ when a society is valued, education is one of the most crucial aspects to rely on --> Actually, I don't get what you mean by  "when a society is valued". 

3/ Your ideas are not strong enough. If you have some examples, your points of views will be more convincing. 

 

4/ Personally, I think you'd better avoid strong words like "absurd" or "catastrophic", because what you think "absurd" might not be the same way for other people. Therefore, to lessen the intensity and to avoid explaining why and how it is absurd or catastrophic, you'd better use different words.

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