IELTS TASK 2: GOP Y GRAMMA VA BAI NAY DUOC BAO NHIEU CHAM NHE. 12.2 LEN DIA ROI.

Question

Topic: Rapid advances are being made in medical treatments of different kinds. Many propel think government should provide these treatments free to their citizens.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

It is probably to say that most countries in the world invest their money in health care system. Therefore this system has fast progresses. Many argue that medical treatments in a country need free which is supplied by government. Other people, however, claim the opposite. In my view, I wholeheartedly agree with both views and this essay will outline these views for the following reasons.

In the one hand, government supplies health care system free to their citizens. In fact, medical treatments free is not only help health’s people becoming better but  also completely develops their country in many  sides such as economy, service… Because employees play a crucial vital to economy growth in a country but if people have not a good health, they could not do whatever. For example, in Chinese, there are hundreds of people who have died in Apple’s factories because of work extremely and rising working hours. That is reason why health care systems free to citizens.

In the other hand, citizens have to pay money for medical treatments. It is clear that government must pay their money in services that they have hired instead of free to civilian. For instance, government has to recover their start-up and pay salaries for employees (nurses, doctors and those who expert in medical sectors) which have put their capital in development of health care system. Moreover, if government frees medical treatments to civilian, they won't have chances to invest benifits in other purposes such as travelling or educatiom. 

In conclusion, regarding health care system, government collects profits for taking back capital and free these services for development of a country and improving people’s health. 

Answer 1

It is probably to say that most countries in the world invest their money in health care system. Therefore(*) this system has(1) fast progresses. Many(2) argue that medical treatments in a country need free(3) which(4) is supplied by government. Other people, however, claim the opposite. In my view, I wholeheartedly agree with both views(5) and this essay will outline(6) these views for the following reasons.

(*): Thiếu dấu phẩy đặt sau trạng từ “therefore”.

(1): cautious language. Đây không phải là fact nên phải thêm ngôn ngữ thận trọng vào. Ví dụ như may, possibly, perhaps.

(2): Many gì? Phải ghi rõ là “many people”, chỉ được viết tắt khi nhắc lại lần thứ hai.

(3): free không phải danh từ.

=> need to be made free

(4): which thay thế cho cái gì? Thay thế cho cái nào thì phải đặt ngay sau cái đó.

=> Many people would argue that medical treatments which are supplied by government need to be made free.

(5) Lặp từ “view”. Dùng từ điển thesaurus trong word khi viết. Thay bằng opinions.

(6) Không viết thế này trong essay. Thay bằng “…agree with both views for a number of reasons below.”

Answer 2

In the one hand, government supplies health care system free to their citizens (7). In fact, medical treatments free(8) is not only help(9) health’s people(10) becoming(11) better but  also completely develops(12) their country in many  sides such as economy, service…(13) Because(14) employees play(15) a crucial vital(16) to (17)economy growth in a country but if(18) people have not(19)a(20) good health, they could not do whatever(21). For example, in Chinese(22), there are hundreds of people who have died in Apple’s factories(23) because of work(24) extremely and rising working hours. That is (25)reason why health care systems free(26) to citizens.

(7): Đây không phải là fact, không viết hoàn toàn khẳng định như vậy được.

(8) free medical treatments

(9):does not only help                

(10): people’s health

(11): help sb in doing st=> in becoming better

(12) chia động từ chủ ngữ vị ngữ không hòa hợp.

(13) khi liệt kê một series các item. Nếu có dưới hai item thì nối với nhau bằng “and”

=>such as economy and services.

Answer 3

(14) Không dùng “because” để bắt đầu một câu, chỉ nên dùng để nối giữa hai vế.

(15) Đây không phải là fact, phải dùng ngôn ngữ thận trọng.

(16) crucial and vital + role (thiếu danh từ)

(17) Lỗi article. Thiếu “the”

(18) Nếu dùng “but” để nối giữa hai vế của câu, trước “but” phải có dấu phẩy.

(19) Do not have

(20) good health (chủ ngữ là people)

(21) anything. “whatever” là gì cũng được.

(22) in China

(23) đây không phải là fact, không có căn cứ để phát biểu câu này.

(24) because of working extremely + hard (extremely là trạng từ nghĩa là cực kỳ. Nó cần bổ nghĩa cho một tính từ hoặc trạng từ khác chứ không phải động từ)

(25) Lỗi article, thiếu “the”

(26) dùng “free” quá nhiều, nên thay cách sử dụng=> should be free/should be provided with no cost to

 

Answer 4

In the other hand, citizens have to pay money for medical treatments(27). It is clear that government must pay their money in services that they have hired instead of free to civilian. For instance, government(28) has to recover(29) their start-up and pay salaries for employees (nurses, doctors and those who expert(30) in (31)medical sectors) which(32) have put their capital in development of health care system. Moreover, if government frees(33) medical treatments to civilian(34), they won't(35) have chances to invest benefits(36) in other purposes(37) such as travelling or educatiom(38). 

(27) Đây không phải fact. Nên viết câu này thành

In the other hand, citizens should be made to pay money for medical treatments since it is clear that the governments must pay with their own money for services that they provide for them.

(28) spelling mistake

(29) recover from

(30) who are experts/who expertise in

(31) Thiếu article “the”

(32) which thay thế cho cái gì?

(33) free up

(34) civilians

(35) không viết tắt.=> will not

(36) benefit nào? => invest their profits in…

Answer 5

(37) trước “such as” phải có dấu phẩy nếu bỏ toàn bộ vế có “such as” đi mà câu đó vẫn là câu hoàn chỉnh.

Đọc thêm: http://wordwise.typepad.com/blog/2007/08/such-as-it-is.html

(38) spelling mistake

In conclusion, regarding health care system, government collects(39) profits for taking back capital and free(40) these services for (41)development of a country and improving(42) people’s health.

(39) đây không phải fact, dùng ngôn ngữ thận trọng.

(40) dùng free quá nhiều.

(41) thiếu “the”

(42) lỗi parallelism. Sau for, vế một là noun phrase “ development of a country” thì vế thứ hai “improving people’s health” cũng phải đồng nhất là noun phrase.

=>government should collects profits by taking back their capitals and free these services for the development of a country and people’s health improvement.