IELTS task 1 - Population aged 65 and over

Question

 

The graph depicts the ratio of the population aged greater than or equal to 65 years from 1940 to 2040 in three different countries. Whilst the 100 year period saw a gradual increase in the USA and Sweeden, the number of elders in Japan is predicted to shoot up surprisingly.

The slight upturn in retiree numbers in the USA starting at just below 10% of the country's population over the approximate 20 year period is estimated to be followed by a sharper rise in the mid 2020s, which will end up in the year 2040 at nearly 25 percent. Besides, the propotion of the same unit in Sweeden fluctuated with an upward trend from 7% to 25%. Both of the two countries showed the same trend.

Of the three nations, Japan is foreseen to be the the most significantly ageing one. Remaining fairly stable between 1940 and the mid 2000s at less than or equal to 5 percent, the elderly figures are the predicted to grow minimally from 2005 through to 2030. This is foretold to be followed by a sudden rocket that will finish the year 2040 at an asnonishing propotion of 27% out of total.

 

Answer 1

Mình nghĩ bạn nên chia bài của mình ra thành 4 đoạn: bạn nên tách phần introduction và overview ra. ở năm đầu và cuối bạn nên có sự so sánh giữa các nước.

có một số lỗi chính tả trong bài của bạn: retiree, are the predicted

mong là góp ý của mình đúng.

 

Comments

Cảm ơn bạn :) , retiree là người về hưu, hình như ko sai...

Answer 2

Hi there. I must say that ur essay is quite good, considering ur wide vocabulary, word use and structure

Yet, there's something that i think u should reconsider

- First, i don't think using ratio here is appropriate, coz it refers to the relationship between two groups ( like the ration of men to women ). If i were you, i would write like this "depicts patterns for the 65-and-over age bracket witnessed in 3 selected nations from 1940 to 2040"

- Second, retiree numbers here is somewhat misleading, since in some countries, retirement age falls between 55 and 60

- Finally, as noun phrases are preferred, i think u should try to use it as much as possible. Besides, u could use "within" when u want to say "less than and equal to"

Hope that my comments can help u a bit

Comments

thanks 4 spending yr time correcting my essay :) it helps