Bài IELTS Task 1-18/11/14

Question

   

By looking at two pie charts, we can easily realise that the chart is showing the percentage of reason for visit and country of origin to New Zealand of international visitors.

At the first chart, there are four reasons for visiting New Zealand and the main reason is because visitors are on their holidays. The chart shows that 47 percent of visitors chose New Zealand as place for resting on their holidays. The second reason is visiting friends and relations. They travelled  to New Zealand to give their compliments to relatives or friends. And 29 percent of visitors has the same reason for visiting New Zealand. The third reason for coming to New Zealand is on business. It takes 13 percent of visitors for this reason. And the last one, for another reason, just takes 11 percent.

For four above reasons,  the second chart gives information about 40 percent of Autralians has visited to New Zealand. They came there maybe on holidays or on business or another reasons. The second largest group comes from the United Kingdom with 12 percent. How about the United States? The U.S people love travelling to New Zealand, too. The chart shows 9 percent of Americans has visited New Zealand. The Asian countries, China, Japan, South Korea send 5 percent, 4 percent and 3 percent. Finally, 27 percent comes from another countries.  

Overall, through two pie charts we can summerize that, most of people love coming to New Zealand for visiting when they are on their holidays and more than 60 percent of visitors come from English- speaking countries.

 

Trình độ mình còn kém lắm, nhờ mọi người chỉnh sửa dùm mình với. Cám ơn mọi người nhiều nhé.

Answer 1

1. Câu intro bạn nên paraphrase đi

2. Bạn nên dùng nhiều từ đồng nghĩa, cách diễn đạt khác nhau tránh lặp lại :) Ví dụ từ reason lặp lại quá nhiều 

3.  Mình nghĩ không cần và không nên đưa những câu như "How about the United States?"

4. Các thông tin bạn đưa ra chưa có sự so sánh nhiều. 

5. Nên dùng nhiều cấu trúc câu phức hơn :D

Mình nghĩ bạn nên nắm chắc ngữ pháp hơn và nghiên cứu kỹ lại về các yêu cầu của writing task 1 cũng như một số tips làm bài trước :D 

Comments

cám ơn góp ý của bạn nhé! Mình sẽ cố gắng hơn

Answer 2

Mình cũng mới tập viết :D Mong nhận được góp ý :D

The pie charts give information about foreign visitors who travel to New Zealand in terms of their purposes and nationalities.

Overall, travelling in holiday vacation is the most popular reason for people all over the world to visit New Zealand. It is evident that the majority of international visitors come from developed countries and Australia contributes the largest percentage.

Almost half the visitors choose New Zealand as their destination for holiday, compared to 29% of travellers go to New Zealand for visiting their friends and relatives. The figure for business and other reasons are only just over 10%, at 13% and 11% respectively.

Around 40% of people make their visit to New Zealand are Australian. In comparison, UK comprises the second largest proportion, however, it is just nearly one third as much as the percentage of Australia. On the other hand, the percentage of visitors whose nationality is from the US,  is significant smaller, at about 9%. While Chinese, Japanese and South Korean make up a small fraction (5%, 4% and 3% respectively), there are 27% of people from other countries take their trips to New Zealand.

Answer 3

By looking at two pie charts (nên bỏ đi), we can easily realise that the chart is showing (shows) the percentage of(bỏ đi) reason for visit and country of origin to New Zealand of international visitors. (why foregine people visit New Zealand)

At the first chart, there are four reasons for visiting New Zealand and the main reason (nên thay bằng aim)is because visitors are on (at)  holidays. The chart shows that 47 percent of visitors chose New Zealand as place for resting on their holidays. The second reason (purpose) is visiting friends and relations. They travelled  to New Zealand to give their compliments to relatives or friends. And 29 percent of visitors has the same reason for visiting New Zealand. The third reason for coming to New Zealand is on business with figure for this was 13%. It takes 13 percent of visitors for this reason. And the last one, for another reason, just takes 11 percent.

For four above reasons, (In addition to last pie graph )the second chart gives information about 40 percent of Autralians has visited to New Zealand. They came there maybe on holidays or on business or another reasons. The second largest group comes from the United Kingdom with 12 percent. How about the United States?(nên bỏ) The U.S American people love travelling to New Zealand, too. The chart shows 9 percent of Americans has visited New Zealand. The Asian countries, China, Japan, South Korea send 5 percent, 4 percent and 3 percent. Finally, 27 percent comes from another countries.  

Overall, through two pie charts we can summerize that, most of people love coming to New Zealand for visiting when they are on their holidays and more than 60 percent of visitors come from English- speaking countries.

 

2 chart khác nhau thì không nên có overall vì không thể nói tổng quát cho 2 nội dung khác nhau