Bài IELTS CAMBRIDGE 14 WRITING TASK 2 TEST 1 6/9/2021

Question

It is a common belief that when facing challenges, the best way to solve them is to accept them. Sometimes acceptance is a valuable lesson in life. Whereas others emphasise that seeking solutions is a better way to improve the negative circumstances. This essay discusses both perspectives and why I believe that the arguments for seeking solutions are stronger.
First of all, in an individual’s life, people are unable to avoid negative circumstances which make us feel depressed and exhausted. Accepting a bad situation is also a method to acknowledge one’s mistake. For instance, failures in business are an opportunity to acknowledge the defects and improve them in the future. If we are accepting of our circumstances, this can allow us to maintain a positive mood and to continue enjoying our life despite a setback.

On the other hand, others argue that instead of giving up and accepting the bad circumstances, individuals should keep trying and not surrender to fate. Use the difficulties that we face as a motivation to encourage ourselves to develop. Success will come to those who strive against negative situations. For example, Jack Ma, who never gave up and surrendered to fate, undergoing failures and challenges, finally became one of the billionaires in the world.

In conclusion, I believe both perspectives have their own benefits. However, I believe it is better to make an effort to seek a solution because it increases the likelihood of solving our problems and maintaining a positive mental attitude, which is far more important than the benefits of avoiding stress through accepting our circumstances.

Answer 1

Somewhere as your essay was going, it can even go further if you give more focus on grammar. 

"Whereas others emphasise that seeking solutions is a better way to improve the negative circumstances."

"Whereas" is a conjunction that connects clauses in a sentence. Therefore, you have to rethink the sentence. Moreover, there is an error in articles here. Article usage is a tricky subject. To put it simply, you can use "the+ Noun" most of the times when the listener knows what you are talking about. To illustrate:

Hello Nam, I just bought a car yesterday. The car is red.

Or:

Hello Nam, I just bought a red car yesterday.

In addition, some part of a sentence can specify the thing you are talking about.

Hello Nam, I just bought the car which is red yesterday

Make sure that you can apply this to the rest of your essay.

Last,

If we are accepting of our circumstances, this can allow us to maintain a positive mood and to continue enjoying our life despite a setback.

"Accept" is a transitive verb and there is no need for the preposition "of" here.

By the way, there are some words, such as "solution" and "circumstance", that are used frequently. Try using appropriate synonyms to avoid clichés.