Introduction:
....However, the concerns about whether only vaccinations that only they can bring to a normal life are the burning issues issue of our times. In my view, vaccines can help us gradually come back to a regular being, not fully eliminate the COVID epidemic. => In my view, while vaccines may be useful to minimize the damage caused by the COVID epidemic, not just they can help us gradually come back to a regular being.
Chỗ give your view này mình thấy nó không nêu lên được sát đề lắm, đọc cả bài thì bạn partly agree, nhưng mà cái statement của bạn thì chả biết là agree or partly agree.
Body 1:
To begin with, I supposed suppose that vaccines allow life to return to normal because of these given reasons. First of all, high vaccination rates assist to block virus transmission and create herd immunity, which is a great thing that no other measures can do. Therefore, While many nations find have social and economic difficulty during successive waves of infection, vaccines are able to help them recover their initial condition without any concerns. Moreover, getting enough vaccines creates the antibodies for each individual to work regularly, and then help to hold international events. For instance, for over 2 weeks ago, we have seen a successful and amazing sports competition: Olympic Tokyo 2020, which was prepared carefully by a huge number of volunteers being fully vaccinated. Honestly speaking, this tremendous event would hardly go well but for the government's attempt in medical issues.
Phần này khá hay, bạn nên thêm linking words để liên kết câu.
Body 2:
The medical resistance là kháng thuốc mà ta. Cần nói rõ one's resurgence là cái virus's resurgence, vì ta chưa nhắc đến virus nào phía trước để dùng one cả. Reason 1 rất rối, Mình có thể chia rõ ràng thành 2 main ideas:
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its effectiveness: Vaccines are not strong enough to prevent another resurgence of the virus and they require a significant amount of time to be developed and tested on animals to the highest level of safety.
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its side effects: Moreover, Vaccination still exists some side effects that may even cause serious long-term human health problems. Hence, it is understandable to see serious Covid-19 hesitancy in many nations, especially in America recently.
Đoạn Body 2 này rất dài vì bạn nếu ra rất nhiều reasons, thay vào đó bạn nên rút lược lại và tập trung vào vài reasons thôi. Cái example nó không supportive và liên hết câu trên với câu dưới lắm, nên nếu không cần thiết thì bỏ đi:
According to some latest news of NPR, the unwillingness of them made millions of vaccines not be used or transferred to other poorer areas due to legal impediment of US states and federation. This example has proved the second reason is that vaccines are not the only effective method since not all countries in the world have the finance to vaccinate their residents and there are still disparities in vaccine distribution. It would foster the production of new variants and raise a contradiction conflicting opinions of holding patents to selling vast quantities of vaccines at cost. As a result, other non-pharmaceutical interventions like wearing masks, washing hands,.. need to be enacted frequently in underdeveloped regions.
-Nhiều câu bạn viết rất dài nên rút ngắn lại.
Conclusion:
By the way of In conclusion, I firmly believe that a vaccine is a critical tool in the battle against Covid 19 but social distancing and mask-wearing likely would likely have to continue until the pandemic runs its course or a vaccine that is actually “good enough” arrives.
- Conclusion như thế này là được rồi, những từ cố định như in conclusion không cần thiết phải làm nó phức tạp lên đâu.
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Bài viết khá ổn, nhiều ideas và examples hay.
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Bài của bạn dài hơn 400 từ, nên hạn chế số lượng từ lại: Không nên nêu ra nhiều ideas mà chỉ tập trung vào 2 hoặc 3 cái.
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Nhiều academic words.
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Mở bài nên answer đúng trọng tâm đề hỏi.