Mong mọi người sẽ sửa giúp em bài này! IELTS Task 2- Dạng Discussion- How to maintain a healthy body

Question

Some people think that exercise is the key to health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important.

Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

 

These days, it is obvious that how to maintain good health has been a topic of debate in contemporary society. While I strongly believe that doing regular exercise is an effective method, I also cling to the notion that a well-balanced meal is another one.

On the one hand, a workout helps people improve both body health and mind. One of its substantial benefits is maintaining a vigorous body shape. Not only do strenuous exercises help burn fat, but they also promote both drabness and body endurance. According to that, another vital benefit of exercising is the ability to enhance mental health efficiently. One of research in Ha Noi National University related to this has indicated that there is a type of hormone called Endorphins (also "feel-good" chemicals) produced naturally by the nervous system to cope with pain and stress. This hormone acts as a pain reliever and a happiness booster so people can easily feel a sense of euphoria during work or study time if they work out more regularly.

On the other hand, besides exercise, a decent diet is also a dispensible factor for staying healthy. This is because nutrients and vitamins play a vital role in disease prevention, growth, and good health. A shinning instance is if our body lack vitamin A, we might face some dangerous problems with our sight. So a sufficient intake of healthy food should be taken into account when it comes to building ideal stamina.

By way of conclusion, I  would like to reaffirm that to maintain a healthy body, both exercising and balanced feeding are essential. As each aid in improving our health in different manners, we cannot ignore one over the other.

Answer 1

These days, it is obvious that how to maintain good health has been a topic of debate in contemporary society. While I strongly believe that doing regular exercise is an effective method, I also cling to the notion that a well-balanced meal is another one.

On the one hand, a workout helps people improve both body health and mind ( nên dùng our mental and physical health). One of its substantial benefits is maintaining  to maintain a vigorous body shape. Not only do strenuous exercises helps us to burn calorie, which stored by body as fat but they also promote both drabness and body endurance.  body's endurance.According to that, another vital benefit of exercising is the ability to enhance our mental health efficiently. One of research in Ha Noi National University related to this has indicated that there is a type of hormone called Endorphins (also "feel-good" chemicals) produced naturally by the nervous system to cope with pain and stress. This hormone acts as a pain reliever and a happiness booster so people can easily feel a sense of euphoria  pleasure during work or study time if they work out more regularly.

On the other hand, besides exercise, a decent diet is also a dispensible indispensable factor for staying healthy. This is because nutrients and vitamins play a vital role in disease prevention, growth??  (a strong mind growth), and a good health. A shinning typical instance is if our body lacks vitamin A, we might face some dangerous problems with our sight such as short-sighted vision. So a sufficient intake of healthy food should be taken into account when it comes to building ideal stamina.

By way of conclusion, I  would like to reaffirm that to maintain a healthy body, both exercising and balanced feeding  diet are essential. As each aids in improving our health in different manners, we cannot ignore one over the others.
You should use suitable words, use English dictionary to know exactly meaning of words. 

Comments

Em cảm ơn chị nhiều ạ!

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Em chưa có kinh nghiệm nhiều lắm về việc tự chấm, chị có thể giúp em biết mình đang ở mức độ nào được không ạ?

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I think your is essay is quite good by using a variety of vocabularies but you should use accurate words, and some points are not clearly enough, so I evaluate it at band 6.0. Keep studying harder and I hope you will obtain a higher score.