các anh chị xem giúp e dạng table ạ. Liệu bài này có đạt đc band 6.0 ko ạ ??

Question

The table depicts the data of seven different functions of mobile phones had been used between 2006 and 2010.

Throughout this period, making calls was the most viral function of mobile phones and there was a pronounced increase in the popularity of other mobile phone functions.

In 2006, 100% of mobile phone users used their phone to contact and this percentage remained relatively stable over the 4-year period. Taking photos was the second most popular function, which slightly increased by 10% from 2006 to 2010. Similar trends could be seen in sending and receiving text messages and playing music, which witnessed slight increases by 6% and 14% respectively.

There were many considerably innovations had been seen in ratios of other usages. In 2006, there was no data about the usages of Searching the Internet and Recording video. After 2 year, he number of people who used mobile phones to record video stood at 9% and it was fourfold in 2010. In terms of search for the Internet and playing games, these figures had risen dramatically over the 4-year period, from 41% to 73% and 17% to 42% respectively.

Answer 1

The table depicts the data of -> ( ko tệ nhưng nên đổi thành : information regarding ...)seven different functions of mobile phones had been used- sao lại dùng past perfect ? between 2006 and 2010.
 

BỮA MỚI GÓP Ý, THÊM CHỮ OVERALL VÀO. !!!!Throughout this period, making calls was the most viral function of mobile phones and there was a pronounced increase in the popularity of other mobile phone functions.

In 2006, 100% of -> all mobile phone users used their phone??? những cột kia used cái khác à. ??? to contact and this percentage-> the figure for this category remained relatively stable over the 4-year period. Taking photos was the second most popular function, which slightly increased by 10% from 2006 to 2010. Similar trends could be seen in sending and receiving text messages and playing music, which witnessed slight increases-> increased, mà nếu là present thì sao lại dùng increaseS ??? by 6% and 14% respectively.

There were many considerably-> adverb gì ở đây ? innovations had been seen in ratios of other usages-> dùng relative clause ở đây ,nếu mún over 6.0 or = 6. thì phải biết dùng relative clause trong task 1, thứ 2: câu này dễ gây confusion In 2006, there was no data about the usages of Searching the Internet and Recording video. After 2 year, he number of people who used-> dùng relative clause rút gọn-> using mobile phones to record-> paraphrase đi video stood at-> accounted for 9% and it was fourfold in 2010. In terms of searchING for the Internet and playing games, these figures had risen dramatically over the 4-year period, from 41% to 73% and 17% to 42% respectively-> correspondingly( paraphrase đi.

PS: KO ĐƯỢC 6.0( THEO MÌNH NGHĨ)