Average life expectancy is increasing - Cause and measures - mn xem giúp e đc mấy chấm với ạ, hoang mang quá :(
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In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations

It is the fact that in industrialized countries, advanced society associated with developing health care services and increasing awareness of people about diet and fitness result in the growth of older proportion reflected in nation’s pyramid of population. Although there will be undoubtedly several negative consequences of this trend, society could take positive measurements to ease potential problems.

As life expectancy is prolonged, the population gets older, some related matters are anticipated. To put things under the microscope, growing percentage of the elderly in total population means smaller proportion of the youngsters, who are the main work force or the corner-stone for nation’s development. Additionally, government receives fewer taxes from working labor and extracts larger part of budget for retirement pension. This is finally a vicious circle as the ones who really pay for tax and take responsibility for taking care of the old are none others but the young labor themselves. Besides, getting older leads to the rise in demand for nursing care, resulting in the overload of hospitals in case medical service does not develop at the same rate as aging group.

Nevertheless, authorities may take steps to push back negative impacts of this situation. Increase in retirement age for working adults, for example, might be a lucid policy. When the people’s prime of life is extended, ones aged over 60 years old are still healthy enough to make contribution to society with their effort. This should be combined with campaigns that enhance the residents’ perception about appropriate eating habit and physical exercises to make sure they are qualified labor force. Secondly, it is suggested encouraging immigration to increase taxes paid by working adults. Healthcare services, finally, should be improved in facilities, hospital buildings to meet the demand of older citizens. In nations whose rate of birth are too low, take Japan for example, reasonable

In conclusion, the measures to tackle the problems must be urgently taken and maintained in long term to achieve the highest result so that the increasing number of the old would not affect seriously to nation’s advancement.

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3 Answers

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xin phép bạn được có vài đóng góp :D

- "society" thì phải là the society hoặc societies số nhiều , tương tự là "government"

- câu mở đầu paragraph 1, t nghĩ bị lỗi choppy sentence, nên thay dấu phẩy thứ 2 bằng từ nối

- hậu quả đầu tiên t nghĩ chưa thật sự rõ ràng, tỉ lệ thấp hơn những ng trong độ tuổi lao động thì sao, hậu quả thứ 2 chính phủ nhận được ít tiền thuế hơn có chắc chắn k ( vì chỉ là tỉ lệ ng đóng thuế ít hơn, k có nghĩa số ng đóng thuế, số tiền thuế thu được sẽ ít hơn )

- còn lại thì t nghĩ là great, nhất là phần giải pháp :D. nếu bạn thấy đóng góp sai thì bỏ qua cho t :D
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+ Mình thấy câu mở đầu của bạn hơi dài, bạn có thể tách 2 thành 2 câu để tránh lỗi "too long sentence".

Secondly, it is suggested encouraging immigration to increase taxes paid by working adults: Câu này mình thấy hơi kì, mình nghĩ là "It is suggested that government should ..." sẽ ok hơn. (đây chỉ là ý kiến cá nhân của mình thôi nhé)

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It is the fact that in industrialized countries, advanced society associated with developing health care services and increasing awareness of people about diet and fitness result in the growth of older proportion reflected in nation’s pyramid of population => câu quá dài, đọc xong mệt quá, gây rối và không clear ý tưởng của bạn. 

Cả đoạn kết bài là 1 câu :) 

Resulting=> results

thân 

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