Smartphones have negative effects on human life. To what extend to you agree or disagree? Mn xem giúp em với, bài cuối kì của em ạ

Question

Smartphones have negative effects on human life.

 In this day and age, there is a truth that technology development changes our lives a lot and brings various benefits and drawbacks as well. Therefore, it has a belief that smartphones have serious impacts on human quality of life. From my perspective, I am absolute of the same view with this standpoint.

To begin with, using smartphones for long hours a day could lead to many negative effects on our health. People consume their time for many purposes on smartphones. For instance, they surf social media such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and so on, even they call and chat with friends and other entertainments on their smartphone. Therefore, they might be addicted and indulged in those attractive activities. Moreover, if they waste a lot of time on electronic devices, they will lose their chance to take part in many outdoor activities which help them enhance their health and emotion. As a result, for a long time, they could be suffered from a variety of severe diseases like obesity or diabetes. Besides, watching the smartphone's screen for long hours constantly will negatively affect people’s vision and even be short-sighted.

Secondly, smartphones make people lose their relationships. With the technology tools, people would like to make friends with strangers on social platforms or virtual relationships rather than friends in real life. To clarify, many individuals tend to participate in lots of groups on Facebook or interesting online games. Therefore, they will make friends or interact with other people in those places and spend a little amount of time with their friends or family. Consequently, humans will not keep on well with each other in real life.

However, these days, some people assumed that smartphones will give them an opportunity to make friends and expand social networks all over the world. But as for me, I believe that the virtual relationships on the Internet do not maintain for a long time and they might cheat and trap us as well. Hence, our real relationship is the most crucial and should be gratitude.

In conclusion, nowadays people supposed that smartphones could have bad effects on people. And I totally agree with this viewpoint because it makes a huge gap between individuals and has a negative impact on people’s health.

 

Moi người check và nhận xét giúp mình với ạ. Bài làm cuối kì của mình, hi vọng mn nhận xét thật lòng ạ

Answer 1

(1) For instance, they surf social media such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and so on, even they call and chat with friends and other entertainments (động từ cho cụm này là gì) on their smartphones. Therefore, they might be addicted and indulged in those attractive activities. Moreover, if they waste a lot of (thay bằng một từ khác) time on electronic devices, they will lose their chance to take part in many outdoor activities which help them enhance their health and emotion. As a result, for a long time, they could be suffered from a variety of severe diseases like (ko nên sử dụng like mà nên thay bằng such as, namely,...) obesity or diabetes.

(2) Besides, watching the smartphone's screen for long hours constantly will negatively affect people’s vision and even be short-sighted. --> and even make these people have short-sighted

"Việc xem màn hình điện thoại quá nhiều" không thể "bị cận được"

=> Không có chủ ngữ cho phần mk highlight 

(3) With the technology tools, people would like to make friends with strangers on social platforms or begin virtual relationships rather than friends in real life

(4)To clarify, many individuals tend to participate in lots of groups on Facebook or interesting online games.

Không nên sử dụng a lot of/ lots of trong khi viết thay vào đó nên sử dụng many, much, numerous, great deal/amount of + dt ko đếm đc, a great number of + dt đếm đc số nhiều,...

(5) Consequently, humans will not keep on well with each other in real life.

  Mình tưởng là "get on well with". Mình tra cụm 'keep on well with' thì nó có nghĩa là tiếp tục. Với cả lúc mình tra thì thấy có ít tài liệu về cụm này. Nếu cụm này có nghĩa khác thì bạn cho mình xin nguồn nói về cái nghĩa đấy với.

(6) However, these days, some people assumed --> assume that smartphones will give them an opportunity to make friends and expand social networks all over the world.

(7) Hence, our real relationship is the most crucial and should be gratitude. --> so we should be grateful for it

(8) In conclusion, nowadays people supposed that smartphones could have bad effects on people.